tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33060651626484587262024-03-05T01:09:41.217-05:00How to Growperspective on life change.
thoughts on this journey
from self-absorption
to awareness and maturity.
hopefully figuring out ...
How to Grow.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.comBlogger190125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-36117308657143403932010-05-25T06:23:00.003-04:002010-05-25T06:40:04.094-04:00Did someone order Change?Well, my last post eluded to change, but I'm now experiencing more change in my life than I ever anticipated! I'm moving in a couple weeks, found a new church this weekend, my husband has said he intends to file for divorce, my temp job will be coming to a close in about a month...is there anything else? Oh, I'm <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">beginning</span> to loose weight, um.....oh! I'm not nearly as depressed as I anticipated I might be!<br /><br />Given the multitude of circumstances, I have anticipated a major depression, but it's <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">interesting</span> to me that while I'm seeing some small signs of depression, in more ways I'm experiencing the absolute best mental health EVER had! And I mean that quite literally.<br /><br />I'm not going to get into the gory details of the dissolution of my marriage, but suffice it to say, near the end I had been in almost constant prayer and when he called an end to it, I felt peace. I've had some hard times since then, of course, but overall I know that God is protecting me and directing me in how I respond to my ex and how I go about conducting myself during these awkward and painful times. So many scriptures have been my constant encouragement. And so many of "my ladies" have been <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">faithful</span> to call me and keep me in their prayers and just speak encouragement and the uplifting truth that I am a valued child of God! That is such a lifeline to me! I just soak it all in! <br /><br />While my overall theme here is how to change ... <em>inner</em> life, as a <em>goal</em>, not a circumstance, I'm reflecting today on how often times outer change <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">begets</span> inner change...MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-21997274431033316652010-02-17T22:47:00.003-05:002010-02-17T23:20:11.436-05:00Constance and ChangeIn the last 7+ months, a lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same. I am still temping at the same place (now there for 13+ months...), I am still not really healthy.<br />I'm more of a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">roomie</span> to my husband; this change brought on by a typical drunken incident that just finally made me say enough is enough. We still live together, still go to counseling together, but we're pretty much <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">roomies</span>. He knows he needs to actually DO something (Get Help) about his alcoholism, I know I need to go back to my personal counselor. So I'm taking the steps I need to. I don't know about him.<br />My sis was back for a week after New Years and it was so incredible. I missed her terribly over the summer, but you know how you get used to someone being away after awhile...well, I'd gotten used to her not being so close. But having her here for that week was so awesome, and I'm so glad we could share that time. We went into Boston and walked around Chinatown and the North End. It was fr-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">EE</span>-zing, but we survived!<br />I talked to Mom after my last post. Things got a little better with her, but the holidays really brought out the worst in us. Unfortunately, I know that some things are just never going to be the same. And in a sense, that's a good thing, because "the same" is SO unhealthy. But at the same time, I really envy those families that ARE healthy and can continue to have healthy relationships into adulthood. Well, maybe I can have a healthy relationship with her, it just won't be idea. What I mean is, since I know I can't trust her to respect certain boundaries, I just won't be able to share those parts of my life with her. It's unfortunate, but it is a step toward my own mental health that I'm finally willing to make.<br />I've begun reading Codependent No More and the more I read, the more I see it in myself - in many areas of my life! I've begun helping my sis with her college essays; editing for <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">grammar</span> and punctuation. At first I was just correcting everything and inserting comments to tell her why. Then I realized she would learn more if I explained general rules and let her make her own corrections. I was so worried that she'd be irritated with me, but she responded really well, saying she learned so much more! It's so funny to me how these things really work in real life!<br />So to be real, I'm depressed again. And not happy about it either! (That was a joke, though it's true :)<br />I thought I had this all under control and knew how to deal with the warning signs, etc. But then last August I started having a little wine with my dinner and ended up doing that a few times a week. It's absolutely FACT that alcohol is a depressant and I was already teetering on the edge. I went and pushed myself right over. I finally accepted the fact that it was really harmful to me right after Christmas, but by that time the damage was done.<br />But now it's February and I should be "over it," right? Believe me, I've been around this block enough times, I know it doesn't happen that way, but I'm back to seeing my counselor and am consciously looking for the healthy/mature ways of dealing with things.<br />One thing I decided to do this year is to try a new recipe from my cookbook collection at least once per week. I have over 40 cookbooks and I haven't used even one recipe out of at least a third of them. So this year, I'm going to change all of that! It's been really fun and I'm definitely enjoying the fruits of this particular labor! I'll share more on that another time. For now, I'm going to try doing the healthy thing and going to bed at an almost-decent hour.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-35276442946184600432009-07-03T14:03:00.004-04:002009-07-03T14:23:52.858-04:00sad dayIt's a sad day for me as I realize the extent of my mom's manipulation. I love her. How can I not. But, love and loyalty asside, it doesn't change people's actions. The truth is the truth is the truth.<br />So where does that leave me? More determined to set boundaries and stand by them. More determined to rely upon God's and not human's direction. More aware and more awake. Better protected.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-91942839548722593092009-06-02T21:59:00.006-04:002009-06-02T23:08:11.768-04:00Random ThoughtsI've been contemplating "sustained discipline" with my counselor. Not in depth, because it seems that each session there is something else more pressing. My lack of self-discipline isn't going anywhere. Not today anyway. I just spent about two hours on the computer, 1/2 an hour doing dishes, and here I am back on the computer.<br /><br />I like the anonymity of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">internet</span>. I can say or be anything I want to be. But mostly I want to be Me.<br /><br />Last night my hubby and I were talking about what we wanted to do if, by the completion of that "thing we'd do," our lives would end. I decided I wanted to record the stories of the people I meet through the furniture ministry at my church. Their stories need to be shared. Their struggles need to be brought to light. Their courage in the face of hopelessness needs to be celebrated.<br /><br />Which brings me to another thought I've been having today. It's been bothering me lately that it is so hard to find mattresses for these folks. Any time we receive a mattress in donation, it is immediately delivered because we literally have a waiting list. But what if we had a mattress drive, or a fund raiser for the express purpose of purchasing mattresses? What if we got a furniture company involved and asked if they'd match any donations toward purchasing mattresses at their establishment? What if everyone had a mattress that needed one? What if guest rooms around the city were <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">disassembled</span>? What if people around the state became more aware of the fact that kids, elderly, refugees, veterans, people just like you and me, were sleeping on couches, on piles of clothing, towels, the bare floor.<br /><br />What if?<br /><br />To that end, I'm starting a new blog. The new one won't have any links back here because, like I said. I like my anonymity here. But I'm going to write about our ministry. And I'm going to write about the people we meet, and my team that is so eager to help. And about the challenges we face throughout the city. And maybe, just maybe we'll start to become more aware.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-58505567778162494902009-04-11T06:25:00.004-04:002009-04-11T06:38:37.069-04:00ConundrumSometimes this body of mine just confounds me. In my limited knowledge, I just don't know what to make of it. I'm 7 days "late" but the pregnancy test says "nope, nada, try again!" I am smelling things I've never smelt before, I'm constantly tired, extremely sensitive, I am getting hot flashes. Hot flashes? Am I peri-menapausal? Oi.<br />I'm 32 years old and while one of my Aunts went through menopause pretty young, I think she was at least 37. I could be wrong. But pregnant women have hot flashes too. But their tests usually come out possitive too...so, {sigh}<sigh>.<br />I didn't want to take the test. It's a very volnerable two minutes. Do you look at it the whole time, or go brush your teeth or something and pretend your future doesn't hang in the balance? And then it's negative and you wonder if you did it right. Was there any way you could have messed it up? But you know you did it right. You've only taken the test fourty two times in the last five years. (slight exageration!) And then you simply accept. Unless this <em>isn't</em> the fourty second time you've done it and you still wonder and convince yourself somehow that the test was wrong and you'll take it again the next day to prove it!<br />Ah well. In the end, I'll probably test again Tuesday. Give it a few days. Unless of course something happens in the mean time....MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-45141998026822777622008-11-30T15:04:00.002-05:002008-11-30T15:19:09.467-05:00How to Grow...<strong>...to be 200.</strong> Wow. This is my 200th post. Who new it would take only 5 months. Certainly not I. I didn't realize I had that much to say. Well maybe I did, but still: 200?<br /><br /><br /><strong>...Rhododendrons from cuttings.</strong><br />I have been meaning to take cuttings from a Rhododendron of ours that is sort of dying, but which we wanted to move to a new location. Enter cuttings...why not propogate them over the winter months and plant the new seedlings (so to speak) where we wanted to move the old one to? So here is the link I found for <a href="http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf57363574.tip.html">starting a rhodo from a cutting</a>...and now I have 7 going, all with little baggies over them, hoping for some rooting action!<br /><br /><br /><strong>...and say more with less.</strong><br />It sounds good anyway. Since my last post, I've been working full time at a temp job in a hospital social services office. I absolutely love it! It's a step in the direction I want to go. I also spent a week getting to know my month-old nephew in Baton Rouge, Louisianna. What a precious joy! Even while we where there, he grew a little fuller in the face and began to get a baby tummy. Loved it! We had to deal with some in-law stuff, but that's life, right?<br /><br />Our trip down took 28 hours. We drove straight from 6 am one day to 10 am the next. It only cost $240 in gas round trip. Add an oil change, we're still only talking $280. my in-laws spent $350 each on plane tickets. I say if you're willing to spend the time, and you enjoy driving, why not? We had a great time along the way and I LOVE driving, so it was the perfect choice for us. I have to say though, leaving first thing in the morning is best because we ended up leaving Baton Rouge at 11 am and getting home at 3:30 pm the next day. Basically took up most of both days. I guess it makes a big difference where those four hours are placed!<br /><br />Turns out, my SIL is dealing with yeast/thrush with the baby. Interesting how these things come up and we can share our experiences, huh? It was great to be able to cook for them, hold the baby, sing to him, read to him, etc. The joys of everyday living. Can't beat it.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-76233010514262410422008-11-07T11:12:00.002-05:002008-11-07T11:17:51.776-05:00A good thingIt seems incomprehensible to me that my last post was just two days ago. It seems like weeks have gone by in two days. I still don't have a job, but I am getting my confidence back and feel really great about my prospects.<br />One thing I noticed was I think I still need meds for my depression. Yes, I can control the environmental forces and my own thought process which tends to work against me, but there are indeed chemical forces going on as well. I have been able to see the warning signs and correct them before they get full blown. Except I stopped taking my meds Sunday and by Wednesday I was on the verge of snapping at my poor hubby before I realized I was totally loosing it. Thursday the same thing happened. Thankfully I caught it before I really did snap at him, but I made sure I picked up my meds and started taking them again.<br />I feel better already and I know it's not because they are already effective, it's just the easing of my mind, knowing that I'm getting back on track. It's a good thing.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-9034740994147030042008-11-05T13:07:00.002-05:002008-11-05T13:12:43.969-05:00ConfidenceI didn't get another job I'd interviewed for. Confidence is waning.<br />Oi.<br />I seriously didn't think it'd be this hard to find another job. Now I'm back to responding to postings with hours and locations I'd rather not do, but, well, I need a job.<br />I'm currently looking for temp work so I don't have to settle for a permanent position I don't really want to take. I figure I can do anything short term. But back to working until 6 from a half hour away from home? Isn't that one of the reasons I left?!<br />Oi.<br />I'm finding out a lot about myself. Like I have more control over my depression than I ever imagined.<br />And my concept of self is way more linked to employment than I ever imagined.<br />And I'm liking staying home way more than I ever imagined.<br />But how to take all that into consideration...quite a chore indeed.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-91700759443329471432008-10-24T09:49:00.002-04:002008-10-24T10:22:26.459-04:00I don't even know what to call this postI had a bit of a meltdown last night. Yeah. Not pretty.<br /><br />It's late, we're in bed, and I reach for something on my nightstand and knock over the water cup. I was fine as I picked it up, but then I crawled back in bed and just started sobbing.<br /><br />I think it's partly prepping for our friends to move in. It's partly the havoc of still not having a real front door, having to climb a ladder to get inside, not even having a set place to put my stupid keys, for pete's sake!<br /><br />So anyway, it's like the perfect storm. So much upheval. And it's been going on for so long. I mean, I haven't had front steps for two weeks. Seriously. That may not sound like a long time, but try climbing a ladder with groceries, laundry, and anything else. Getting ready for interviews in a nice outfit only to step out the door and climb down a ladder.<br /><br />So I have my meltdown and my hubby just lays there. I think he wanted to comfort me but he can't lay on that shoulder since his accident. But no words, nothing. Then I stop after about twenty minutes. Seriously. I think it's the longest meltdown I've ever had.<br /><br />And he gets up. Goes downstairs. At this point, I'm thinking...he couldn't get up and walk around the bed and maybe give me a hug, but he can get up and go downstairs. Then he goes outside.<br /><br />He goes outside ladies! Seriously!<br /><br />We'd been out shopping for a door and window earlier in the evening and there was a funny noise coming from the wheel well, so he goes outside to check it.<br />After I had a meltdown.<br />At 11:15 at night.<br />Without a word of comfort or a squeeze of the hand or a hug.<br />Nothing.<br />He goes and checks on his truck!!!!<br /><br />Does anyone else see why I'm freaking out here?!<br /><br />So I've been thinking this morning. You know, it's mostly about our friends moving in. Yes, I've had about a month to prep. And the house will be in order in time. Maybe not the whole thing, but it'll be ready for them.<br /><br />What I'm freaking out about is twofold. One, they are very neat and orderly and the guy is pretty outspoken about how he wants things. In his own home, he takes care of the kitchen because he just has to have it spic and span. That's not gonna happen in my house. I mean, it's not going to be "just so" all of the time. Two, they are very neat and orderly. So is my husband. So I feel like it's three neat, orderly people against me...housekeeping's worst nightmare. I exagerate a bit. But not much. I appreciate order. I work well when things are how they "should be," but it doesn't happen on a regular basis.<br /><br />It seems like all my life, my mom has "joked" about how I'm not so neat. They called my room growing up "the swamp." It hurts. Sarcasm isn't a joke. It's not funny. Does it make me want to prove them wrong? Totally. But do I think I can? Never.<br /><br />I'm also afraid this is the begining, warning signs of a depression. What do I do? I've got to get outside myself.<br /><br />So what can I do, while I'm supposed to be finishing up prepping the house, to get outside myself? After I finish yelling at this fly buzzing around me, of course. Seriously. I'm totally at my whit's end.<br /><br />Well, tomorrow is a delivery day for my furniture project with the church. I still need to finish up coordinating that effort. Sunday I'm on my own again coordinating the greeters for the day. We're supposed to have three leaders, but it's just me right now. So I guess I don't need to search long for things to do to get beyond my own problems.<br /><br />You know, I recall talking to my counselor awhile back about how I tend to have depressions after major stressful events. I'll be fine during the event, like when we were evacuated due to threat of a flood, but afterwards I fell to pieces. I've been out of work for a little over a month now and it's both shocking and a major victory for me that I haven't gone into a depression yet. But all it took was me being locked out of my house and then responding negatively to that. It took me an hour and a half yesterday to get myself back into the house, then I decided to lick my wounds, so to speak, and treat myself to some me-time. I cruised the web, had a nice leisurely lunch, vegged out for a wee bit. Not exactly "getting outside myself" type of activities. So I guess it comes as no surprise that I had the night that I had last night.<br /><br />Does it make it any easier today? Actually, it does. It shows me that it's not everything else, it's my reaction to it. I'm still in control. It can still be traced back to my choices and decisions. And it tells me I can't just blow off the house, I have to be mature about this and finish the job. Darn it. {wink}MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-22929609459821915072008-10-23T10:47:00.002-04:002008-10-23T11:14:56.305-04:00Thrifty Thursday: It's all about attitudeI was going to call this piece "Cheap vs. Thrifty." I got to thinking about all of this saving money and using what we have, not creating unneccesary waste, etc. this morning. Let me back up a bit.<br /><br />Yesterday I found a pre-formed store-bought pie shell in the back of my freezer, but it was all cracked and in pieces. I put it back in the freezer in my re-organization frenzy, but continued to think about what to do with it.<br /><br />This morning I decided to experiment with the crumbled and cracked pie shell by adding it to some of my canned grape pie filling and seeing how it turned out.<br /><br />So it's not wasted, and it's hopefully going to be enjoyed immensely!<br /><br />Alternatively, I recall an incident last spring involving my mom and my korean sister. Hyung was going back to Korea to be with her real family for the summer and there was a medical bill that needed to be paid. Mom wanted Hyung to bring it with her on the plane, but Hyung's parents said to hold on to it until they decided what to do with it. A week later, they asked mom to mail it to them. She was all upset about how she could have saved 90 cents by sending it with Hyung in the first place! I mean she obsessed over this for weeks! {sigh}<br /><br />What's my attitude like? Am I obsessing about saving money? Am I getting irritable and generally a pain in the rear about it? Or is it exciting, an adventure, something I'm taking pride in? When I can't save money, or find that I'm forced to waste money (like throwing out bad meat,) is it the end of the world? Is that 90 cents going to make or break my day?<br /><br />I'm obviously trying not to be like my mom in this and many other ways. I've begun talking about my "mother issues," and I'm sure you can read even more into this than I can at this point. But it's not all about her.<br /><br />This summer I found myself obsessing. Trying to force my newfound thrifty practices onto my hubby, and it wasn't pretty. But I think we've settled into a "lifestyle change" and are comfortable with how things are going. He's now used to using rags instead of paper towels. He doesn't mind that we only have one box of kleenex in the house. He gets the importance of checking the circulars and unplugging unused appliances and electronics. It's now "normal."<br /><br />Sunday we'll be doubling our house occupancy when our friends come to live with us temporarily. Fortunately, they both are quite frugal and non-wastefully minded. If that's a word. Now it is. It won't be quite the shock to their system to see us using rags because they've spent a lot of time here in the last few months. But I always have to ask myself if I'm obsessing and making more of a deal out of this as it needs to be.<br /><br />Thrifty is good. Cheap is obsession. I don't want to obsess. Please tell me if I'm obsessing. Seriously. I'm obsessing now aren't I? (Just kidding!)MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-46648691450322906382008-10-20T17:04:00.005-04:002008-10-23T00:19:46.439-04:00Come on in, sit down, can I get you some tea?We've got a lot of catching up to do, huh?<br /><br />Well, first of all, take a look out the window. Aren't those colors gorgeous? The trees in my backyard are changing so beautifully. It reminds me of peach sherbert. Or is it sherbet. Or sorbet. Either way, it's so pretty and peacefull.<br /><br />Yeah, I'll get to the good stuff.<br /><br />Our friends are still planning on staying with us. Probably through the end of the year. And yes, since I'm still not working, that will be a welcome bit of cash for oil and the mortgage. And speaking of work, I had a very good interview today that I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high for. But it's EXACTLY what I want to do. It's not that I don't think I'm qualified, I KNOW I can do the job and I'm qualified for it...I just know that I was also qualified to do the other jobs that I've interviewed for and I didn't get those...<br /><br />But perhaps it was God's way of keeping me out of work until this came around.<br /><br />In regards to the house...oi. So much going on! My hubby took off the front porch last weekend and discovered that the front part of the roof was badly in need of replacing, so this past weekend, a group of our friends helped him work on that. I wish our digital camera was still working, but I did manage to get some pictures with the 35mm so we'll see how those turn out.<br /><br />Unfortunately, my hubby and one of our friends is still working on it! The poor guy. He hasn't taken a day off in three weeks and he has a paying side-project lined up for this coming weekend too. He's so tired and worn down, his shoulder isn't healing from his ATV accident a few weeks ago and frankly, he's getting a bit cranky.<br /><br /><br />Enough about me. What's going on with you? Are the kids liking school? Are your days more crazy than ever? Find any good recipes lately? (Especially for cranberries and pumpkin stuff!)<br /><br /><br />Now here's a quick disclaimer about this next part: this is the reason why I don't tell people I know in face-to-face life that I have a blog. Way too personal to share with people you actually know! Ironic, isn't it. But this is my blog about growth and change, and I've gone back and forth in my mind as to whether or not I SHOULD talk about this, but that's the whole point of the blog. To share everything as pertaining to growth. The pain, the joy, the confusion, the dirt. And here's the pain, the dirt, the mud.<br /><br /><br />It all comes back to the mother, huh? To all the mom's out there, I'm sorry. That's way too general of a statement. But in my case, much of my complexity can be traced back to my mom. Is that better?<br /><br />I've recently realized the blaring truth that my mom is not <em>Just</em> a control freak. It's way beyond freakish. It's obsession. It's unhealthy. It's beyond unhealthy. It's manipulation, it's exageration, it's self-pity and on and on and on. And I'm becoming just like her.<br /><br />Yeah. Really scary. I mean, I've recognized the control freak inside of me and we've kind of come to an agreement about that, (me and the control freak inside me,) but it's come to the point that I have to kind of break away.<br /><br />It hurts. I feel bad. There is this ingrained loyalty that I think most kids have to their parents, and while it doesn't feel natural to "break away," I think there is a natural component there, too. It's probably one of those things kids have to go through as they become adults. And here I am, 32 years old, just coming to this realization. I mean, I thought I HAD gone through this, started living my own life, etc. But for me, this feels different.<br /><br />It's boundaries, limits, thinking for myself, resisting that siren song of parental guidance. Taking admonishment and still saying no, standing up for myself, understanding that to be healthy I must withdraw for a bit.<br /><br />A few weeks ago I went to the laundromat to clean all our comforters and winter blankets. I met a woman there who was native american and we got to talking. She noticed my barret that had butterflies engraved on it and she spoke about what the butterfly meant as a talisman. I can't remember all that she said, but I remember in particular what she said about the crysalis stage of the butterflie's life.<br /><br />It represents withdrawl as a stage of growth. It can be physical, spiritual, emotional, etc. and can last for any amount of time. The point is, in order to fully form as a completed being...the resulting butterfly..., one must go through a period of withdrawl, hibernation, etc.<br /><br />And my point is, I think this is that time for me. My counselor asked me to write mom a letter (without the intent of giving it to her,) and I'm finding it harder than I thought it would be. It's so ... general. It's not like there was an event or trauma that caused this pain, it was a pattern of life. How do you consolidate that into a sentence, say how it made you feel, and come to a conclusion. Or am I forcing structure into this letter that is restricting this healing process?<br /><br />I am tempted to just walk away, but I know that's the coward's way out. Maybe for a moment, but eventually I'll have to confront her. And it's up to her to respond. How she'll respond is possibly predictable, but miracles still happen. I'm not counting on it, but it would be nice. And they do happen. I'm living proof.<br /><br />But that's another story.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-39736741744751516702008-10-13T14:20:00.005-04:002008-10-13T15:02:57.859-04:00Menu Plan Monday<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr81nSwloYFytBM7vt1PpFtcIaP9IzgVkujUIhkunCX69gS-wFrQFqsaZEqgmsgaDY47TtyKiT1WAY2fwKujbFiHjQwIxkpeL1YQZzce3tCImoNGaTHee6r30mkuEMWbQ9BGrcisnBx2Q/s1600-h/mpm2-1.jpg"></a><br /><br />If you've taken a look at my other blog, <a href="http://blecipes.blogspot.com/">Blecipes</a> lately, you could have probably guessed at this week's menu plan already!<br /><br /><br />Monday:<br /><a href="http://judyskitchen.blogspot.com/2008/09/how-to-grill-cornish-game-hen.html">Grilled Cornish Game Hens</a> with <a href="http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/10/acorn-squash-crockpot-recipe.html">Crockpot Acorn Squash</a>, fresh romaine salad and rice (for hubby, who boycotts anything including "squash" in the name...woohoo! more for me!!)<br /><br /><br />Tuesday:<br /><a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/gorgonzola-filled-meatballs-bay-and-onion-creamy-tomato-gravy-recipe/index.html">Gorgonzola Stuffed Meatballs</a> with garlic smashed potatoes and steamed veggies.<br /><br /><br />Wednesday:<br /><a href="http://www.5dollardinners.com/2008/10/tx-cowboys-pie.html">TX Cowboy Pie</a> and Grilled Salad.<br /><br /><br />Thursday:<br />Grilled Chicken and Southwestern <a href="http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/08/southwestern-crockpot-sweet-potato-and.html">Crockpot Sweet Potato and Corn Medley</a>.<br /><br /><br />Friday:<br />Homemade Pizza. I picked up some local pepperoni and some local cheese and I have plenty of local tomato sauce in the freezer, so all we need is some locally ground flour! Which I haven't found yet. Oi.<br /><br /><br />Saturday:<br />Date Night. Out. Treat!<br /><br /><br />Sunday:<br />Uh, leftovers. Lots and lots of leftovers!<br /><br /><br />Breakfasts: <a href="http://blecipes.blogspot.com/search/label/muffin">Muffins</a>, grapefruit and tea (for me), toast and coffee for him. How DO we survive the morning?<br /><br /><br />Lunches: cold cut sandwiches, fruit and cookies for him, leftovers for me.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-82623976546143481922008-10-07T07:58:00.003-04:002008-10-07T08:04:31.236-04:00Flying lessonsI mentioned last week that I was checking out <a href="http://flylady.net/">Flylady.net</a>. I've gotten the chance to implement the <a href="http://flylady.net/pages/begin_babysteps.asp">beginner steps</a> and I have to say, I was surprised at the pace she gets you cleaning house. Since the first step is to shine the sink (and she gives you detailed instructions on how to do so!) I figured the next step would be to clean something else, but it isn't. I am so excited to share my FLYing experience because it's more of a habit-developing format than simply having you blindly following directions or lists of things to do.<br />FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. And although some days are easier than others, it makes sense. Check it out. It's free, completely free. She does sell organizational and cleaning tools, but the basis of Flylady - the directions, the motivational e-mails, etc. are completely free.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-27668148168179591122008-10-06T19:57:00.003-04:002008-10-06T20:11:56.499-04:00Opening and closing doorsI've gone on a few interviews for HR positions and registered for a couple of temp agencies. I have to say I've kind of tanked a couple of the interviews because I've been somewhat honest about my long term goals. I really want to move in the direction of social services eventually. Really, I'd love to do that now, but have no experience (besides my associates degree and internship.)<br />Ten years ago when I wanted to get into Human Resources, I looked for an entry level position and worked for six months as a receptionist in an HR department.<br />Today I found a position at Easter Seals as an Administrative Assistant. I can't express how excited this made me! I didn't even think of implementing the same kind of plan as I did ten years ago! <br />The other little bonus is that it's a part time position and within two miles from home. It's crazy amazing how God is opening opportunities for me! I was so excited last week when I was called for an interview 4 miles from home, then incredibly dissapointed when I didn't get it. But this was waiting in the wings, a position in the direction I really want to be taking but didn't think was possible.<br />This is a tough time to be unemployed though. I don't want to get political, but I think as soon as the election is over, (no matter what the outcome is), things will begin to settle down. But in the meantime, I am listening to my hubby on the phone with one of our friends who is in a sales position. He's not selling anything, and my hubby's company hasn't sold any new contracts lately. I am certainly not alone.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-33009516257498166802008-10-01T23:46:00.002-04:002008-10-02T00:16:01.779-04:00Barefoot and loving itThere's something wonderful about bare feet in the dewy morning grass. I've never liked being barefooted in the grass before. It tickles and itches my ankles and it always irritated me. But ever since my hubby put up the clothesline earlier this summer, I've been loving being barefooted in the grass. Maybe it's because it's still wet with dew and the droplets are still shimmering in the early morning sun. Or because the birds are still chirping. Since I normally didn't get up until the last possible moment before I had to get ready for work, I never got the chance to enjoy that early morning sound.<br />Now my morning ritual includes barefeet in the dewy grass and when I miss it, I<em> certainly</em> miss it. Through tough leathery soles, I am connected to the earth in a way that my ancestors were. It surprises me, but it's a gentle surprise. Almost as if I'd known it all along, but didn't yet recognize.<br />It's taken about two weeks, but I'm officially no longer stressed out. This time of rest has been so good for every part of me. The body, mind, soul...all rested. I have been able to establish structure and routine, discipline to keep to the day's plan, and contentment, even eagerness to do housework, cooking, baking, cleaning. I know it's time to go back to work, but I will miss this time of being home, taking care of my family, preparing for the winter. Putting food up for the winter makes me feel so connected to womankind. To my ancestors. To my family and to <em>time</em>.<br />I find purpose and contentment in taking care of the house, all of the details of managing life here in our little house. It's no wonder I get overwhelmed when I'm working and shopping and cooking and cleaning and crashing because I can't do it ALL damnit!<br /><span style="font-size:130%;">My heart yearns to find a nice little part time job close to home. To contribute to the community around me daily, but more importantly: <em>to contribute to our home daily too</em>.</span> There are so many times when I simply drag myself home to crash in a heap and hope there's something in the freezer. Instead, these days I work all day to put something<em> in</em> the freezer!<br />My hubby simply years for me to return to full time employment and I can't really blame him. It's a lot of pressure on his shoulders...his one freshly injured shoulder and the other one that was injured a few years ago! Yeah. It might be time to sell those ATV's. (Shhh!)<br />I've broached the subject with him before...and I know where he stands, but I wonder if I should approach the subject again. I can see the benefits being a smoother running household and a more mentally healthy wife, but I may simply be looking for the good and ignoring the faults in the idea.<br />Now I'm just rambling, so I'll sign off, but I can't wait for morning.<br />And barefeet in the dew-drenched grass.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-55464731691261120932008-10-01T22:38:00.004-04:002008-10-01T23:25:27.093-04:00Perspective ShiftAs I embark on my first Eat Local Challenge, I have already begun to think of my food differently, and it surprises me. Being out of work, I've decided to spend my days putting up food to avoid the high cost of produce in January. I pretty much decide every morning what I want to make, go to the store or a farm stand, and proceed to make whatever it is I've decided on.<br /><br />This has given me a great excuse to seek out different farms and markets than I normally visit since I'm not as pressed for time as I usually am. I actually found myself dissapointed the other day to figure out that the Twist of Fate Farm isn't within ten miles of my home. Ten miles. Doesn't sound like much, especially since most of the food I've eaten my whole life probably comes from hundreds, even thousands of miles away! But I had this idea in my head that I wanted to see if I could get everything I needed within ten miles.<br /><br />This isn't just a food-related thought, it's a whole lifestyle coming together. While I'm looking for a new job, I'm focusing on staying local. I've gotten a lot of greif about this from people that say - it's no big deal to commute 20 miles north or south to Nashua or Concord. Heck, a lot of people commute to <em>Boston</em> from Manchester. But this is <em>my</em> choice and <em>my</em> life.<br /><br /><br />I've also noticed that the food I'm purchasing lately is much more personal. I've met the guy who works the land and harvests the produce. I've met his teenage boy, and waved to his wife. I've walked by the chicken coops and the pig pens on the farm where I got my eggs and bacon, I heard them clucking and snorting. I've gushed over the freshness of the eggs. They are more precious than "regular" eggs. They are infinitely more precious than the single dollar extra I paid for them. They are somehow more <em>real </em>and I plan how I'm going to use them much more carefully. This morning I set about to make chicken nuggets using an egg batter. I debated if I really wanted to use four of my precious eggs as an egg batter! Really. They're going to be eaten SOMEHOW, why not this way...<br /><br /><br />But it takes me back to a few years ago. We were doing a Bible Study about the tabernacle and the temple. One part explained how sacrifices were made and how the person seeking forgiveness had to bring the live sacrifice to the altar and kill it there. The person had to physically kill the animal right then and there. Ever since, I haven't looked at a single piece of meat the same again. I used to get chicken or something and put it in the fridge intending to cook it right away or within a few days...but something would come up and we'd eat something else and before you know it, the meat would go bad. Since visuallizing the sacrifice at the altar, I have rarely had to throw away bad meat. It just doesn't happen. I am so much more aware of the waste, the meaningless waste.<br /><br /><br />I think it's very smart to be thinking about eating locally in the fall, specifically. It's a natural time to be putting food up for the winter, and concentrating on eating locally at this time thereby ensures that you'll be eating locally through the winter as well.<br /><br /><br />My goal for the October Eat Local Challenge is to find a new source of locally grown or raised food each week and to make at least one completely local meal each week. I am still on the hunt for locally milled flour, and I have found a couple sources listed online. Not within my 10-mile radius, but still well within the region. Now it's just a matter of getting my butt over there!MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-37264673584722524172008-09-30T13:36:00.004-04:002008-09-30T14:11:52.120-04:00Twist of Fate FarmI made my first trip to <a href="http://www.twistoffatefarm.com/">Twist of Fate Farm</a> in Dunbarton, NH today. It is so easy to get to, a little out of the way, but straightforward directions make it simple. The farm is only 6.5 miles from exit 6 on 293 in Manchester, and it took me only 13 minutes from the highway.<br />I got eggs freshly washed and still warm! (At $3/dozen) I also picked up some bulk breakfast sausage, bacon and some baking apples. Everything was well organized and clean. They have local ice cream and other local food products like pickles and relishes, bread mixes and jellies, soaps and lotions.<br />I'll definitely be making regular trips to <a href="http://www.twistoffatefarm.com/">Twist of Fate Farm</a>. I'm thinking bacon-wrapped sirloin tips...<br />My hubby asked about prices when I was gushing over the freshness of the eggs. Apples to apples, I'd pay $5 a dozen for organic eggs at the big grocery store. Apples to oranges, I'd pay $2 a dozen for non-organic eggs.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-62788149287006380432008-09-30T11:51:00.003-04:002008-09-30T12:00:46.642-04:00Fly, baby, fly!I was meeting with a ministry coordinator at church this morning and after we were through our business, we got to chatting. I shared with her the news I received last night. And now I share with you...<br />Friends of ours, a couple we've known for years, may be in need of temporary housing for a few months. We have room. They may be staying with us.<br />Eeek!<br />I am so gratified to be able to help out in their time of need, as we've done for others in the past, but oi....my house...disaster...yeah.<br />Well Katrina, who I met with this morning pointed me to <a href="http://www.flylady.net/index.asp">Flylady.net</a> and I am SO incredibly grateful! I have a few weeks before our friends move in and I also have no employment in sight so guess what I'm going to be doing in the next couple of weeks?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flylady.net/index.asp">Flylady</a> is a free online resource designed to help you declutter, clean, organize, be encouraged, etc. and it's going to save my sanity!MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-18170152690157683692008-09-29T09:51:00.002-04:002008-09-29T10:01:23.211-04:00Redeeming the Time<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Although I am not working right now, I'm trying to be carefull to use my time well. Instead of lounging on the couch in front of the tv wasting away. So I've been putting up lots of food, mostly freezing. I also spent the weekend with a very frazzled, very stressed out little sister. Poor teenager! Every morning I make a batch of muffins, eat two, and freeze the rest. Then when I go back to work, I can take them out in small batches, have a quick breakfast or snack, and not have to stop at Dunkin Donuts for a muffin that costs four times as much! </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Maybe I should think about freezing coffee. Can you do that? I mean, I keep the grounds in the freezer, but can you freeze prepared coffee? </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm going to give it a try! </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">So far, I've frozen 8 cups of salsa, 5 cups of tomato sauce, a bunch of corn, two cups rice, and some cherry tomatoes form the farm down the road. PickYourOwn.org has great suggestions on how to freeze ANYTHING. My favorite suggestion so far was freezing juicy things, or sauces, using a vacuum sealer. The juice will be sucked up by the vacuum sealer, so what do you do? Freeze it in the bag without vacuum sealing it first, then when it's frozen, vacuum it closed and the juice won't be sucked out! Problem solved.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I've also been checking the job boards every day. Many times a day. It's not healthy. </span>MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-90287564562001173582008-09-27T13:20:00.006-04:002008-09-27T15:39:51.809-04:00Rainy SaturdayThis whole not-having-a-camera thing is really killing me, but I'll share anyway! I hit the Salvation Army yesterday for some professional clothes, but found more antiques than clothes. Then my little sister and I headed out for a visit to the flea market this morning but it was closed due to rain. Flood watch...whatever. We were Wicked hungry though so we stopped at a diner and found Nancy Jean's Attick, which ironically was located in the restaurant's Basement. But I digress...<br />We found more antique-y stuff and got to "scratch" that thrift-shopping itch!<br />Now I'm setting up to make tomato sauce from 7 lbs of tomatoes we picked up down the road. Seriously. I love getting my food from "the farm down the road."<br />So, while my tomato sauce cooks down, I'll fill you in...I found an old mixer! It's in about ten different pieces, but otherwise it's just like the one my mom used to have. Then of course, is the Theodore Haviland serving bowl and platter. Couldn't find the name of the pattern, or number, but it was definitely one of the french-made ones. I also found a Maddock tea cup and saucer which I matched up to their stamp used in 1927; a missmatched Royal Albert tea cup and saucer, and a teeny tiny Thomas vase, of Germany; two white divided oval Glassbake bowls; and a bunch of other cool stuff.<br />now, where to put it all...Sounds like it's time for a yard sale!MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-52517397156078324972008-09-26T09:27:00.003-04:002008-09-26T09:33:04.103-04:00More Laundry Detergent recipesDisclaimer: I love love love <a href="http://howtogrow-ideasbymjs.blogspot.com/2008/07/word-problems.html">Jen's Homemade laundry detergent recipe</a>! It's effective, inexpensive, and makes me feel great for doing both at the same time! But it requires forethought. Which I really don't do well. Even as I watch the last of the detergent get mixed into the last load of laundry...<br />So I desperately looked for another option...and found <a href="http://tipnut.com/10-homemade-laundry-soap-detergent-recipes/">TipNut's list of 10 different recipes</a>! I want to try #10 which incorporates vinegar...and yes - it turns into a powdery form eventually. Check it out...MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-86865238051060756992008-09-26T08:20:00.001-04:002008-09-26T08:22:10.104-04:00Homemade automatic dishwasher detergent!Mrs. Dani comes through for us once again! <a href="http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/coffeewithmrsdani/571630/">Here</a> is her wicked easy recipe for dishwasher detergent!MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-86280333831806889142008-09-25T08:56:00.000-04:002008-09-25T09:00:19.713-04:00Um...help?I have so much to say and it seems like it's all floating up there in my brain and I can't organize my thoughts.<br />I'm unemployed and searching for a job. I was hoping to have this week off, and start a job next week. Doesn't look like that will be a problem. Except the starting the job next week! I don't do well without structure and I haven't thought much about building structure into my day since I'm "home." Yesterday was a lost day. Tuesday I had a couple appointments to build my day around, but I'm floundering a bit here now.<br /><br />So my question is, do you work from home, or stay home, or whatever you want to call it...are you home full time...or even part time...and what do you do to build structure and routine into your day...?MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-75493292472186873432008-09-23T08:34:00.004-04:002008-09-23T09:15:41.331-04:00I'm back!I forgot to post last week about how long I'd be away, but I'm back and have so much to say! Tuesday was my last day at work, I had an interesting counseling session, and Wednesday we left for Dover, Delaware for another NASCAR weekend! Monday night we got home and I slept slept slept!<br />This morning I got up and went for screening for the <a href="http://www.marrow.org/PATIENT/Donor_Select_Tx_Process/The_Search_Process/HLA_Matching_Finding_the_Best_/index.html">National Marrow Donor Program</a>. Nine or ten years ago, before we were married, my hubby's roommate donated bone marrow to a toddler who had a terminal illness. Through his experience, he became involved in local bone marrow donation events. My hubby and I attended one of the "bone marrow drives" where we gave a small amount of blood for type screening. Fast forward to last friday, I got a phone call out of the blue from the marrow donor program. Apparently I'm a potential match for a young man with leukemia. I still may not be enough of a match to help this young man. Only 1 in 12 of donors who get to this stage of screening go on to acutally be enough of a match to donate. BUT I won't know for another 2 months...<br />And this afternoon I have an interview.<br />Big doin's.<br />So sorry about the long absence, but big updates to come...MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3306065162648458726.post-12111337555898389492008-09-16T09:56:00.002-04:002008-09-16T10:00:04.361-04:00A bump in the nightDisclaimer: I love cats. I love most animals. If I weren't allergic, I'd have a house full of animals.<br /><br />but I digress...<br /><br />I almost laughed so hard last night, but I knew my hubby wouldn't understand.<br />When I got home it was sweltering in the house, so I opened the doors and windows (since it was cooler outside!!!) and went in the backyard to relax for a few minutes. I went back in eventually, closed the outside doors, and went on my way about my evening.<br />Fast forward to 12:45 am.<br />My hubby turns on the lights in the bedroom and leaves the room, muttering something about getting rid of the cat.<br />We don't have a cat.<br />It's obsurd.<br />I believe he's sleep walking or only half awake and thinking about his dream still. He comes back in the room and starts poking around under the bed saying "come on kitty, here kitty." I'm now awake and seriously concerned for his sanity.<br />"What ARE you doing?"<br />"I told you, getting that stupid black cat out of here."<br />"We don't have a cat."<br />He gives me a look like "no duh."<br />"Well somehow it got in here and it was walking all over me while I was sleeping."<br />I give him a look like "suuuuuure."<br />Then out of nowhere a black cat streaks from under my side of the bed out into the hall and across to the guest room.<br />Oh.<br />I guess there was a cat in the room.<br />Which would explain the weird sounds upstairs when we were watching tv earlier.<br />I attempt to go back to sleep, but my hubby is still determined to get the cat out of the house pronto. After listening to him bumble about the guest room, talking sweetly to the "stupid cat," I get up to try to help. We eventually got it out from under the guest bed, then the hope chest, then from behind the bureau. My hubby carried it down the stairs and THREW it out the front door!<br />I was a little concerned.<br />Poor cat.MJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03087472638489570440noreply@blogger.com0