I mentioned earlier about recycling/reusing/refashioning/repurposing, etc. while I also expressed the desire to stay Balanced. I saw this post and like the message as well as the perspective that the author presents. He recognizes that subsistence living in today's american culture is unrealistic and there are problems with it, but that there are things that we can take and implement even in our everyday urban lives.
Please check it out.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Emotional eating, NASCAR, and remembering
At my last counseling session, "Bill" and I talked about my eating habits. I brought it up, among other things, but hadn't intended for it to be something to work on JUST YET. Well, the more we talked about it, the more I realized that this is indeed the time to do something about it. This picture is of me about a year ago, after I'd lost quite a bit of weight. I have since gained it back and then some. Bill encouraged me to begin an eating journal, especially focusing on when I am "emotionally eating."
I plan to start the journal Monday, after I return from our "camping" trip to New Hampshire Motor Speedway for the NASCAR race! Go Tony! (Stewart) Actually, I'm a big Joe Gibbs fan, but Tony's driving talent caught my eye before I knew about Joe Gibb's ownership of the team.
Right, back to the topic...I'll probably post some of the entries here, as I examine my eating habits and how my emotions impact (and are impacted by) what I eat.
I've also been thinking a lot today about something that happened right around the time that picture was taken. My hubby and I have been trying on-and-off for five years to start a family. To this date, we've been unsuccesful. Last year, I really thought I was pregnant. It seemed obvious at the time. I had extreme mood swings I'd never had in all my years of PMS, I was "late," and had regular feelings of nausea. Looking back, the explanation seems clear. I was on some hormones that usually helps PMS, but with me it became worse. I was traveling, which also sometimes has an effect on your menstrual cycle. But while it was happening, it wasn't so clear.
I wasn't just sure. I'd been "sure" half a dozen times in the last four years. I was POSITIVE. 100%. Over the moon; didn't need a test to know; this was it.
We were still traveling when I got my period. I was dumbfounded, numb, walking around in a daze. Thankfully, it was the middle of a two-week vacation so I had some time to pull myself together, but still...I can remember sitting in a museum presentation thinking "here I am, watching this movie. How? Why? After (I thought) loosing the baby? This is crazy. How can I be doing THIS after THAT just happened? As if it's just another day. As if I'm perfectly fine. "
To further complicate matters, things weren't real great with me and my hubby at the time. I'd decided just before "discovering" the pregnancy that I was going to stop seeing the specialist for a while until our marriage was doing better. I had real fears as relating to parenting with him and knew that we needed major help before moving forward with a family. But once I thought I was pregnant, there was no way I was going to regret it, no matter what state our marriage was in! I looked all my fears in the eye and moved forward, ready to embrace the challenge and do my best without looking back.
So a year later, I look back and remember those days. It still seems so surreal. In a way it's a blessing that it happened while away because I don't have to walk around the house remembering sitting on the couch for hours at a time in contemplation. It was some anonymous hotel room out in the world somewhere and I'll never have to see it again.
I think I'm stronger for it though. My mom said she had a dream that one day I'd face a difficult challenge, decide to face it with courage and integrity, and then have it be taken away.
That's just how I want to live my life...with courage and integrity. And it's so true that sometimes the blessings and challenges are the same thing and sometimes they are taken away. But courage and integrity can never be taken away, only forfeited by choice.
A Change in Perspective
Yes, I see the irony (post title: a change in perspective; blog description: a perspective on life change...)
The first change in perspective I want to share is about a new project I've gotten involved with at my church in the last couple months. We take donated furniture and home goods like appliances, linens and dishwear, and then we work with state, city and non-profit organizations that identify people who are in need of these items. It's been a great opportunity to not only get out of my shy self and meeting people in the church, but also to benefit people who really can use what others have put to the side.
One of the reasons I got involved was because I deal with depression. I've "dealt with" depression for 15 or so years off and on. Finally in the last year, I've found a very good counselor who has helped me see (when I was not in the middle of an episode) that the beginning stages of an episode are very self-indulgent. Perhaps it's a stressor in life that triggers an episode, then I become wrapped up in myself. For instance, a few years ago, our neighborhood was evacuated for threat of flooding (just a threat - nothing floated away!) and the stress of those few days was such that I then became very self-centered, reliving the experience over and over, being overwhelmed and not taking action, seeking escape and solace in books and food. "Cue, downward spiral!"
I felt the beginning stages of a new episode begin again while I was contemplating this project, and that actually urged me on with more reason to do it. I wanted to get outside myself, focus on other people, others' needs, instead of holing up in my house with my books and my overwhelming sense of powerlessness. So often I've felt depression begin and I just take a deep breath, accept it as an inevitable part of life, and kiss the next few months of my life goodbye.
No longer! I DO have the power to change the cycle, and the last month is proof!
The second change of perspective I've experienced coincides somewhat with the church project. I began to see what others were giving away to new homes. Some was in pretty rough shape, but after a little reconstruction and a good cleaning, most of it is re-usable in some manner. Then I began hitting Yard Sales (Garage Sales, Tag Sales...) and seeing all of those items that would otherwise just be thrown in a landfill, taking up precious space. I began to see every item around me in a new light. Could it be re-purposed? Could it be taken apart and used with something else to become something completely new? Could it be given away?
But still, I was a half-hearted about this reform. I didn’t want to get carried away. I tend to keep a lot of things anyway, so I was also kind of wary of creating more “stash” in what should be a nice, roomy house for my hubby and me, but is beginning to get a little “cozy!”
Well, when I found Wardrobe Refashion, that nudged my perspective right over the edge! I saw these ideas for using jean material and thought – Dang it! How many pairs of jeans have I thrown away over the years because they had one stupid hole in them? And those slacks I busted a seam on a month ago – long gone, aren’t they!
And now, presto! I’m understanding that what I don’t have a use for today may still have life left in it for something else tomorrow.
But here’s my dilemma: organization. Yeah. I can help other people get organized, but it’s as if I walk through the threshold of my home and it becomes a portal to a no-organizing zone! I don’t want to have scraps of material in every room, never able to find any of the five pairs of scissors in the house, moving piles to get to the ironing board, then moving piles back so I have a place to sit while I sew!
So although I’ll be away for the weekend, I have grand plans of getting organized in the not-too-distant future. (Though first, I may need to organize the mess that is my laundry pile, my kitchen counter, the dining room table, the pile of worn-but-not-dirty clothes in the bedroom, the “craft table” that somehow morphed into the “I’ll leave it here for now” table, the mail, oi…)
It looks like I just planned my Independence Day Weekend!!!
The first change in perspective I want to share is about a new project I've gotten involved with at my church in the last couple months. We take donated furniture and home goods like appliances, linens and dishwear, and then we work with state, city and non-profit organizations that identify people who are in need of these items. It's been a great opportunity to not only get out of my shy self and meeting people in the church, but also to benefit people who really can use what others have put to the side.
One of the reasons I got involved was because I deal with depression. I've "dealt with" depression for 15 or so years off and on. Finally in the last year, I've found a very good counselor who has helped me see (when I was not in the middle of an episode) that the beginning stages of an episode are very self-indulgent. Perhaps it's a stressor in life that triggers an episode, then I become wrapped up in myself. For instance, a few years ago, our neighborhood was evacuated for threat of flooding (just a threat - nothing floated away!) and the stress of those few days was such that I then became very self-centered, reliving the experience over and over, being overwhelmed and not taking action, seeking escape and solace in books and food. "Cue, downward spiral!"
I felt the beginning stages of a new episode begin again while I was contemplating this project, and that actually urged me on with more reason to do it. I wanted to get outside myself, focus on other people, others' needs, instead of holing up in my house with my books and my overwhelming sense of powerlessness. So often I've felt depression begin and I just take a deep breath, accept it as an inevitable part of life, and kiss the next few months of my life goodbye.
No longer! I DO have the power to change the cycle, and the last month is proof!
The second change of perspective I've experienced coincides somewhat with the church project. I began to see what others were giving away to new homes. Some was in pretty rough shape, but after a little reconstruction and a good cleaning, most of it is re-usable in some manner. Then I began hitting Yard Sales (Garage Sales, Tag Sales...) and seeing all of those items that would otherwise just be thrown in a landfill, taking up precious space. I began to see every item around me in a new light. Could it be re-purposed? Could it be taken apart and used with something else to become something completely new? Could it be given away?
But still, I was a half-hearted about this reform. I didn’t want to get carried away. I tend to keep a lot of things anyway, so I was also kind of wary of creating more “stash” in what should be a nice, roomy house for my hubby and me, but is beginning to get a little “cozy!”
Well, when I found Wardrobe Refashion, that nudged my perspective right over the edge! I saw these ideas for using jean material and thought – Dang it! How many pairs of jeans have I thrown away over the years because they had one stupid hole in them? And those slacks I busted a seam on a month ago – long gone, aren’t they!
And now, presto! I’m understanding that what I don’t have a use for today may still have life left in it for something else tomorrow.
But here’s my dilemma: organization. Yeah. I can help other people get organized, but it’s as if I walk through the threshold of my home and it becomes a portal to a no-organizing zone! I don’t want to have scraps of material in every room, never able to find any of the five pairs of scissors in the house, moving piles to get to the ironing board, then moving piles back so I have a place to sit while I sew!
So although I’ll be away for the weekend, I have grand plans of getting organized in the not-too-distant future. (Though first, I may need to organize the mess that is my laundry pile, my kitchen counter, the dining room table, the pile of worn-but-not-dirty clothes in the bedroom, the “craft table” that somehow morphed into the “I’ll leave it here for now” table, the mail, oi…)
It looks like I just planned my Independence Day Weekend!!!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Awareness
I've become more and more aware of my shopping-as-therapy activity lately. It's not so much the shopping, it's the clothing. I'm not happy with my body, and it's going to take a LOOONg time to change my body, so wearing something new makes me happy. Therefore, I shop for new clothes and get a quick hit of gratification that first few times I wear them, then I'm back where I started...back at the store, looking for something new again to soothe my unhappiness with my body.
Perhaps actually attempting real lifestyle-type change would be in order! (Rather than "dieting") While I do plan to make a series of food-related lifestyle changes in the near future, I am also looking at this whole shopping thing. It has such a negative impact on so many areas of my life, including (but certainly not limited to...) finances, my marriage (hiding my purchases when I don't feel like justifying them...because I know deep down I can't justify my purchases!), and the attitude that I can ignore the real problem and just keep buying clothes!
In a way, it's fortunate that I'm, well, oddly shaped. There, I said it. Let's just get it out there on the table! I'm short and stout. I will take 10 or more items into the dressing room and MAYBE come out with 1 or 2. I say this is fortunate, because it keeps me from buying out the store!!!
I'm large but petite...another contradiction! I'm 5'1" and, let's just say...Queenish. And I don't mean that in a royal way. But you know how pantyhose comes in A, B, and Queen? I love that! I would never have thought of naming a size Queen. And certainly not a large size! Maybe they should rename the "A" category "Princess!" Guess not. Right, so...it doesn't stop there. I'm bottom heavy too. And my arms are larger than their normally corresponding torso, so any tops I get "off the shelf" have to be a bit big in the torso so as to allow for a roomier sleeve. Then my waist is a much narrower size than my butt and thighs. Even when I was thin, I lamented my huge thighs. (I promise, God, If I'm ever size 4 again, I won't complain about my overly muscular legs!!!) So if I can manage to get pants or a skirt over my hips and thighs, the waistband is usually saggy...and since I'm petite, it's often at-or-above my belly button. (think old man pants!!!)
To clear up, I would say I have a size 16 waist, but have to wear 18 to not make my butt and thighs skin-tight. I could fit into size 10/12 (Large) shirt, but now need to wear XL (14/16) to allow for a normal range of motion in my arms!
A few years ago when I was given my new sewing machine, I got real excited (see last post). I had these plans of customizing patterns for my shape and maybe even designing my own clothes. I had so many ideas of necklines and dress styles, seriously. So many! And then I started cutting out a pattern and, well...it took too long and my scissors slid all over the place, and there wasn't enough room to block out the whole pattern, and the sewing machine was taking some getting used to and....well, see my last post.
All this explanation leads me to this: I found, quite by accident, Wardrobe Refashion. I was wearing a brown-toned top with black slacks one day earlier this week and was feeling a bit "what not to wear-ish" and decided to google "fashion rules." It was then that I stumbled upon this fantastic, amazing site/challenge/community! You have to check it out for yourself, I can't do it justice in the few words and minutes I have left to make this post...please check it out!!!
So I'm going to make friends with my 2-year-old, brand-spankin-new sewing machine my hubby got for me and take the challenge...no NEW clothes for two months! I don't officially start until July 1st, but I'm already starting on two projects.
*just lost the rest of my post for the 3rd time!!! oi.*
So, what I so-eloquently said (and lost 3 times!!!!), in a nutshell....is that yeah, this could end up really bad-looking, but I'm already wearing really ill-fitting clothes, so why not take the challenge for just two months? I'm not that great a seamstress, but this will also give me the chance to get better at it!
I can't wait to finish up my first two projects and move on to the other 20 in my head! (only half kidding!) And I'll add my progress here...it's really very exciting! The key is going to be doing this without getting obsessed about it!
Perhaps actually attempting real lifestyle-type change would be in order! (Rather than "dieting") While I do plan to make a series of food-related lifestyle changes in the near future, I am also looking at this whole shopping thing. It has such a negative impact on so many areas of my life, including (but certainly not limited to...) finances, my marriage (hiding my purchases when I don't feel like justifying them...because I know deep down I can't justify my purchases!), and the attitude that I can ignore the real problem and just keep buying clothes!
In a way, it's fortunate that I'm, well, oddly shaped. There, I said it. Let's just get it out there on the table! I'm short and stout. I will take 10 or more items into the dressing room and MAYBE come out with 1 or 2. I say this is fortunate, because it keeps me from buying out the store!!!
I'm large but petite...another contradiction! I'm 5'1" and, let's just say...Queenish. And I don't mean that in a royal way. But you know how pantyhose comes in A, B, and Queen? I love that! I would never have thought of naming a size Queen. And certainly not a large size! Maybe they should rename the "A" category "Princess!" Guess not. Right, so...it doesn't stop there. I'm bottom heavy too. And my arms are larger than their normally corresponding torso, so any tops I get "off the shelf" have to be a bit big in the torso so as to allow for a roomier sleeve. Then my waist is a much narrower size than my butt and thighs. Even when I was thin, I lamented my huge thighs. (I promise, God, If I'm ever size 4 again, I won't complain about my overly muscular legs!!!) So if I can manage to get pants or a skirt over my hips and thighs, the waistband is usually saggy...and since I'm petite, it's often at-or-above my belly button. (think old man pants!!!)
To clear up, I would say I have a size 16 waist, but have to wear 18 to not make my butt and thighs skin-tight. I could fit into size 10/12 (Large) shirt, but now need to wear XL (14/16) to allow for a normal range of motion in my arms!
A few years ago when I was given my new sewing machine, I got real excited (see last post). I had these plans of customizing patterns for my shape and maybe even designing my own clothes. I had so many ideas of necklines and dress styles, seriously. So many! And then I started cutting out a pattern and, well...it took too long and my scissors slid all over the place, and there wasn't enough room to block out the whole pattern, and the sewing machine was taking some getting used to and....well, see my last post.
All this explanation leads me to this: I found, quite by accident, Wardrobe Refashion. I was wearing a brown-toned top with black slacks one day earlier this week and was feeling a bit "what not to wear-ish" and decided to google "fashion rules." It was then that I stumbled upon this fantastic, amazing site/challenge/community! You have to check it out for yourself, I can't do it justice in the few words and minutes I have left to make this post...please check it out!!!
So I'm going to make friends with my 2-year-old, brand-spankin-new sewing machine my hubby got for me and take the challenge...no NEW clothes for two months! I don't officially start until July 1st, but I'm already starting on two projects.
So, what I so-eloquently said (and lost 3 times!!!!), in a nutshell....is that yeah, this could end up really bad-looking, but I'm already wearing really ill-fitting clothes, so why not take the challenge for just two months? I'm not that great a seamstress, but this will also give me the chance to get better at it!
I can't wait to finish up my first two projects and move on to the other 20 in my head! (only half kidding!) And I'll add my progress here...it's really very exciting! The key is going to be doing this without getting obsessed about it!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Obsession
Okay, so I have a tendency to get a little...well...obsessive.
Take beading, for example. A couple years ago, I got this idea that I could make beautiful and unique jewelry by learning how to bead. I didn't take classes, I simply got all the materials and tools (and I mean ALL) and a few how-to books (sound familiar?) and taught myself the basics.
I spent ALL my free time (and then some, stealing time from housekeeping, etc) learning to bead and making admitedly awefull stuff!
Then I lost interest. I think because I wasn't seeing progress fast enough.
Then I found a great fiction author, and then another, until I was reading ALL the time!
And these are not two isolated examples. I tend to get obsessive when I find something I enjoy. Now it's yard sales. I'm going away for the weekend coming up and I'm incredibly dissapointed that I won't be able to go to any yard sales! Even to the point that I wondered if there was a way to see if there were yard sales in the area we're going to (because Saturday morning will be pretty much free time).
Enough!! Wow. Seriously. So hubby and I talked and I have to be carefull about how much stuff I get, even if it's free (did I mention my addiction to craigslist and freecycle?). So this weekend away will be good for me.
Another thing I'm obsessive about is clothes. I clothes shop a lot. Even if it's cheap stuff, it's still money spent and it adds up quick! So I'm taking a good hard look at what I've got, what I've ignored, what I can maybe alter. Growing up in a wicked*rural part of the western US, (over a hundred miles to the nearest large city), my mom made a lot of clothes and I became familiar with the concept. (picture is of the road out to Lowel Point in Seward, AK where I was born and raised until age 8. Note the pale green/blue of the water - that's no photo trick! It really is that color!!)
Except. Our sewing machine was always breaking down and very touchy and I was too impatient to deal with it, so I learned to handsew everything. I know...turns a couple-hour project into a couple-day project, but that's what I was comfortable with.
Well I got obsessed about sewing a couple years ago and now have a brand-spankin-new sewing machine...that I have not used since. Now that I'm determined to change my shopping ways, I'm getting excited again about sewing and doubly determined to "make friends" with my machine. I may take a class instead of following along my old pattern of teach-yourself-until-you-get-bored-or-frustrated-then-quit.
So I suppose the game plan is to be aware of my obsessions and to not jump into new things without really thinking about time, expense, etc.
Wish me luck!
*wicked is New England slang for communicating an extreme, like it was so cold, or the movie was incredibly funny.
Take beading, for example. A couple years ago, I got this idea that I could make beautiful and unique jewelry by learning how to bead. I didn't take classes, I simply got all the materials and tools (and I mean ALL) and a few how-to books (sound familiar?) and taught myself the basics.
I spent ALL my free time (and then some, stealing time from housekeeping, etc) learning to bead and making admitedly awefull stuff!
Then I lost interest. I think because I wasn't seeing progress fast enough.
Then I found a great fiction author, and then another, until I was reading ALL the time!
And these are not two isolated examples. I tend to get obsessive when I find something I enjoy. Now it's yard sales. I'm going away for the weekend coming up and I'm incredibly dissapointed that I won't be able to go to any yard sales! Even to the point that I wondered if there was a way to see if there were yard sales in the area we're going to (because Saturday morning will be pretty much free time).
Enough!! Wow. Seriously. So hubby and I talked and I have to be carefull about how much stuff I get, even if it's free (did I mention my addiction to craigslist and freecycle?). So this weekend away will be good for me.
Another thing I'm obsessive about is clothes. I clothes shop a lot. Even if it's cheap stuff, it's still money spent and it adds up quick! So I'm taking a good hard look at what I've got, what I've ignored, what I can maybe alter. Growing up in a wicked*rural part of the western US, (over a hundred miles to the nearest large city), my mom made a lot of clothes and I became familiar with the concept. (picture is of the road out to Lowel Point in Seward, AK where I was born and raised until age 8. Note the pale green/blue of the water - that's no photo trick! It really is that color!!)Except. Our sewing machine was always breaking down and very touchy and I was too impatient to deal with it, so I learned to handsew everything. I know...turns a couple-hour project into a couple-day project, but that's what I was comfortable with.
Well I got obsessed about sewing a couple years ago and now have a brand-spankin-new sewing machine...that I have not used since. Now that I'm determined to change my shopping ways, I'm getting excited again about sewing and doubly determined to "make friends" with my machine. I may take a class instead of following along my old pattern of teach-yourself-until-you-get-bored-or-frustrated-then-quit.
So I suppose the game plan is to be aware of my obsessions and to not jump into new things without really thinking about time, expense, etc.
Wish me luck!
*wicked is New England slang for communicating an extreme, like it was so cold, or the movie was incredibly funny.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
2008 Reading List
(Finish reading:) Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Loose it for Life by Stephen Arterburn & Linda Mintle
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
It's not my Fault! by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Loose it for Life by Stephen Arterburn & Linda Mintle
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
It's not my Fault! by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Courage
I've spent a lot of time picking apart the serenity prayer in recent months. Serenity, acceptance, change, wisdom, etc...all great things to contemplate. But to put it into action....that's where it gets hard.
I think I focused too long on the "serenity to accept the things I cannot change" and just stalled out, as if I just have to accept everything. I was not raised empowered to make change in my life, but to be content with what I had, to look at the glass half-full, to smile despite the pain. And to a certain extent, those are all good things. But it is not the whole of how life works. There is time for being content in all kinds of circumstances, and there is a time for standing up for yourself and others in unjust circumstances.
So that brings be to "the courage to change the things I can." I have had it drilled into me that I cannot change the world. I cannot change another person. I cannot change much. I've also believed the lie that I cannot change myself. But I can change myself. To an extent. I mean, I can't change my past, my memories, my heritage, or my DNA. But I can work to change my attitude, my actions, my demeanor and my perspective.
You can change nothing but yourself, but through changing yourself, you can affect change in the world.
I think I focused too long on the "serenity to accept the things I cannot change" and just stalled out, as if I just have to accept everything. I was not raised empowered to make change in my life, but to be content with what I had, to look at the glass half-full, to smile despite the pain. And to a certain extent, those are all good things. But it is not the whole of how life works. There is time for being content in all kinds of circumstances, and there is a time for standing up for yourself and others in unjust circumstances.
So that brings be to "the courage to change the things I can." I have had it drilled into me that I cannot change the world. I cannot change another person. I cannot change much. I've also believed the lie that I cannot change myself. But I can change myself. To an extent. I mean, I can't change my past, my memories, my heritage, or my DNA. But I can work to change my attitude, my actions, my demeanor and my perspective.
You can change nothing but yourself, but through changing yourself, you can affect change in the world.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Change of Address
Right now in my life I am going through a constant state of transition it seems. The title "How to Grow" is not really meant to be seen as an instruction manual, but as an example of my own life-change. And sometimes I'm sure it will be a "how-not-to!!!"
For those of you who know me, this "change of blog address" will not be much of a shocker. I do a lot of rearanging. I always want things "just so" and if I can't make it work how things are set up already, I simply take out a wall. Or relandscape. Again.
I've had a blog for awhile, but I'm moving into Blogger. I like it a lot and feel more comfortable with the setup. No walls to move. Yet. Talk to me in a year or two!
As an introduction to those of you who do not yet know me, I'm not sure how to describe myself. Thinking about my own preconceived notions of people, I seem to be a bit of an eccentric. I love NASCAR & sewing. I grew up as a tomboy but at one point was a Mary Kay director. I am getting a motorcycle this year, but I am afraid of roller coasters & ferris wheels (& anything else high and rickety). I am at ease in front of a crowd but don't like big parties. I don't want to be put up on a pedestal, but I want to be known and accepted. I want people to know that I care, but don't want to be praised for my compassion.
This is just a short list of my seeming-contradictory self. You'll see what I mean as I continue to post.
Blessings as you read on and change your own lives!!
For those of you who know me, this "change of blog address" will not be much of a shocker. I do a lot of rearanging. I always want things "just so" and if I can't make it work how things are set up already, I simply take out a wall. Or relandscape. Again.I've had a blog for awhile, but I'm moving into Blogger. I like it a lot and feel more comfortable with the setup. No walls to move. Yet. Talk to me in a year or two!
As an introduction to those of you who do not yet know me, I'm not sure how to describe myself. Thinking about my own preconceived notions of people, I seem to be a bit of an eccentric. I love NASCAR & sewing. I grew up as a tomboy but at one point was a Mary Kay director. I am getting a motorcycle this year, but I am afraid of roller coasters & ferris wheels (& anything else high and rickety). I am at ease in front of a crowd but don't like big parties. I don't want to be put up on a pedestal, but I want to be known and accepted. I want people to know that I care, but don't want to be praised for my compassion.
This is just a short list of my seeming-contradictory self. You'll see what I mean as I continue to post.
Blessings as you read on and change your own lives!!
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