Thursday, August 7, 2008

the good, the bad and the ugly

Let's just be honest. Growing up I somehow got the impression that it was less noble to feel mad or angry than dissapointed or hurt. I never acknowledged anger or rage, just transformed it to dissapointment and turned myself into a victim (being constantly hurt).

And while we're being honest, let's acknowledge that marriage is hard and work and frustrating and anger-inducing and maddening along with all the good things about it.

I'm mad. And I'm angry. Frustrated. Hurt, yes but mostly angry. Enraged. Adrenaline-pumping, emotion-seething anger.

It's no secret my hubby and I are in couple's counseling. It's no secret I myself am in personal counseling. I SO wish we were at our counselor's this afternoon! Our much-anticipated camping weekend coming up with his family is now a bit less-than-anticipated and instead is closer to being in the "dreaded" category.

I'm enraged because my hubby can't seem to stick up for himself (or his wife) to his folks. Mom, the emotional drain and Dad, the "voice of reason" like the snake in the Garden of Eden. What he suggests makes sense when you're talking to him, but then you walk away and shake your head and say "Hey, wait. What about such-and-such! Oh well, too late now." He's a really good salesperson.

And in the middle of this is the 30-day husband encouragement challenge. While I had (and have) every intent of continuing the challenge, I cannot deny the fact that we are both flawed. I get pretty emotional and expect him to stand up for me and he can't even stand up for himself, much less me, so who has the delusional/unrealistic expectations here?

I think the challenge is a good idea, but we also live in the real world and I doubt that the spirit of the challenge is to pretend there's no real problems until the end of the month! Bringing focus to how you treat and talk about your husband is quite important in my view and one of my pet peeves is women who go on and on about the little things that their husband does wrong . Petty little things that just make the woman look picky and falsely superior.

If I am sounding that way, I give you permission to gently bring my attention to that. Please.

1 comment:

Shelly G & Hope P said...

I have been down that trail too. It is so hard...In fact, that is why I have an ex-husband:)~

A close friend used to say... Marry the man... Marry the family... I wish I had understood that in the beginning.

I can really relate to the victim roll and have worked hard to stop that cycle, but still find myself in that roll from time to time, much to my frustration.

I am not sure this will apply or not, but I found I felt much better when I stood up for myself to my ex's family. I wasn't rude. I just did what I thought was best for myself and my family... If they didn't like it... That was their problem. The interesting thing about difficult people is they never go away. So no matter how angry they would get... I just enjoyed the peace and quiet of them being gone... Knowing they would be back :)~

Love and take care of yourself... Always tell the truth in love and don't be too hard on yourself:) It really is the best way to love your husband :)
shellys.hut@gmail.com