Monday, August 25, 2008

Sister, Sister

Wow, the summer went by so fast in some ways and in others, I look back and think there has been so much happening, I don't know how I fit it all in!

My little sister is home, which marks the begining of her senior year in high school. Yes, she's pretty much half my age, and no - she's not really my sister. Hyung (pronounced h-young) is Korean and is going to a private school here in America. My parents are hosting her at their house. She calls them Aunt and Uncle or her Host Parents. At first she called me her Host Sister too, but now it's just sister. And I think it's appropriate. We really have come to be very much like sisters, though neither of us HAS a birth-sister, so who knows, really? LOL.

This little, seemingly innocent life circumstance has prompted me to look back on the last two months since she's been away. Quite by coincedence, I started this blog only days after she left.

This introspection has taken me back to Courage, to Obsession (LOL), to a change in perspective. And I think that became a springboard to so many other things!

Like Wardrobe Refashion, the Quit Now Challenge*, the Buy Nothing (new) Challenge**, identifying good-but-bad-for-you things, establishing Stash Month**, Org Junkie's Monthly Organizing Roundup, the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge, recognizing how I can replace one bad habit by any number of other ones (LOL, but sadly), learning yet again that I need to ask for help, and that often Slow Progress leads to lasting change.

I also did a little rearranging, came to a better understanding of why I don't like my job, realized I could write poetry even when I'm not depressed, (it's just different and doesn't just flow out of me like tears), and had to consider some fairly major life changes (for me).

I really feel that God has been leading me this summer, and my experience with the Cardboard City fundraiser was just one example. It was definitely Worth Experiencing, and was very revealing to me in ways I didn't expect. For example, I really missed my hubby. That surprised me. Really. I haven't held back about how we've been struggling the past few years, and back in May or June we really came to a crossroads: decision time. Stay or Go. And obviously we decided to stay and work on our marriage, but as many of you know, it isn't an overnight thing. That night away from him was quite misserable without him and I totally didn't expect that.

I think about how my hubby and I were when Hyung left last June. We were barely talking, just starting counseling, still afraid to hope. Now we've begun to understand one another better, begun to work together and really gel as a team in a way. It's hard for me to describe, maybe because it's so new, maybe because I don't fully understand it myself yet. But it's different than it's ever been. Ever, in 11 years of knowing each other and 8 years of marriage. Hm.

Perhaps equally profound is the fact that I'm learning, after 13+ years of "dealing with" depression, that I can do things to lessen the impact it has on my life.

And that with just a little nudge, a suggestion, an idea, my whole world-view can change in an instant. That, no matter how much you've got going on, when you put it in perspective, how important is it?

*I had ice cream Saturday night, the first time in 46 days. It wasn't planned, and from the moment our friends said dessert was ice cream, I was conflicted. I wasn't sure if I'd refuse it or not. But I didn't obsess over it and in the end I had a small bowl. It wasn't all I'd remembered it to be, and I no longer crave it! I can drive by an ice cream stand without regret and longing; and I'm REALLY enjoying my mostly-acne-free face!!

**As for the Buy Nothing new Challenge and Stash Month, I have kept pretty much on track. We went to Taco Bell once this weekend and I bought premade food at the grocery store, but other than that, we've pretty much gotten everything we *need* from re-purposing old items or have purchased them used or decided they weren't really a necessity. I do, however have a short list of things I would like to purchase in September. Is that defeating the purpose if we're buying them anyway, just waiting until a new month? Sort of. But I think delayed gratification is good. Especially since we are used to simply whipping out the credit card and getting it when we want it and paying for it for months on end later. This way, we are forced to wait and then we know it's something we'll appreciate more when we do get it...if we still *want* it in September! And as for the Stash Month - I haven't bought a single piece of material, thread, button, nothing! Not even used! Not even on sale! Not Even!

No comments: