Monday, July 14, 2008

Worth Experiencing

7/12/08 Saturday
I'm at Cardboard City. I'll be sleeping in a cardboard box tonight.

...I've been thinking so much lately about living more frugaly and preparing for this, it realy made me think about what I REALY need.

...I was tempted to bring a cross stitch but I really feel that I need to pay attention. Indeed, I could also be tempted to take pictures the whole time, but the camera battery is extremely low and I want to save it for documenting this experience.

...I don't know how well I'll be through the night. My butt already hurts from sitting here and I'm not sure how cold it's gonna get tonight. At least that will keep the bugs away! Makes me thankful though that it's July and not January. Every time I consider complaining, I just think - it could be so much worse, this could be a normal night for someone.

...I don't have a phone, a watch, a flashlight or sleeping bag. I have a bad back and have been having a hard time sleeping. What was I thinking?

*later I'll refer to specific times. I was allowed to get my cell phone to use as an alarm clock because I had signed up to make breakfast!

...I've crawled into my box. It's surprisingly warm in here. There's a bit of a breeze but my openings are across the flow of the breeze so it isn't getting in as much as it could.

...I didn't bring bug spray. I didn't think it would be realistic. Then again, it there any possible way of having a realistic homeless esperience?

...My light is dwindling. I may still try to write even in the dark.

*there were streetlamps in the adjacent parking lot on until midnight. Then there was a streetlight on the road, not far from "Cardboard City."*

...It's now 11:30. Bad Heartburn. Already took one antacid, only one left. We just watched Hotel Rwanda. Pretty graphic. I'm a little jumpy from the tension in the movie. Always being afraid for your life. Intense.

...Lord, I know you're leading me somehere. I know you have a plan, an order of things, a progression. Help me to be patient, listening, seeking, willing, and Obedient.

Light's Out.

I can't really see what I'm doing, but I'm going to write anyway.

...I miss my hubby an awefull lot.

...It's now 1:30. Don't know how many times I've changed position. I think my gameplan now is just to stay up as long as I can so that I simply pass out from sheer exhaustion.

...mosquitos are still out. Got about 5 bites on one ankle! It's so quiet around here, I feel like I'm the only one having trouble sleeping. My eyes are so swollen & droopy. But I know as soon as I stop writing and try to find a sleeping position, I'll be wide awake again! Oi.

...I just recognized something. I just want this to be over. I want to go home & be with my hubby. I don't want to deal with church tomorrow morning after having not been able to sleep tonight, then seeing my hubby's mom tomorrow afternoon. None of it. Recognition, I have to accept it. Depression is here. Oi.

...It's now 3 & I've rigged my sheet up so I won't have any mosquito problems. My neck hurts badly. My mid-back is no worse right now than it has been lately though. I have to tell myself I'm doing this for a good cause. More importantly, I think it's something I need to experience.

...I'm either doing to much or I'm starting to make excuses. Just thinking about tomorrow - make breakfast, do church, go to in-laws, sew skirt, then work Monday is going to be murder with everything that needs to get done. Then the interview Wednesday. I can't be run down for that. And I'm not exactly feeling at my best. And what do you I am getting all self-absorbed again. Ahhhh! Time to try to sleep again. Eyes drooping (again.)

*I slept 3:30 to 5:30, when my box collapsed. I fixed it and returned to sleep another hour.

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