I am a writer. I have been writing little snippets for as far back as I can remember. I write poetry, I write essays, I try to write fiction. I finish poetry, I finish essays, I can't finish a piece of fiction to save my life.
I dreamed for years to write a novel. To teach lessons in a roundabout way. To pretend to be a fictional person, to share the lessons I've learned in life through the creation of another.
Here are some of my past writings.
Last night I had a lightbulb moment. Perhaps I shouldn't be wasting my energy on something I haven't shown any talent in if I have shown talent in another area instead. I mean, come on already! Focus on non-fiction, essays, poetry. Another example of trying to spread myself too thin? Trying to conquer the entire world? Not content with the talents God has given me in one area, I want more, more, more?
Something I need to contemplate more, I suppose, but I think I might be on to something.
On the other hand, is it just that fiction is harder, and I'm giving up too easily?
*sigh* Who knows?
Showing posts with label contradictions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label contradictions. Show all posts
Monday, August 4, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Note to Self:
22 random lessons I've learned this week.
1: Sometimes a $5 jewelry-and-beads-grab-bag is worth it.
And sometimes it isn't. I used to be a Nurses Aid and I can handle just about any human waste and/or fluid that comes my way except for phlegm, snot, drool, etc... And I don't abide sharing lip balm or public pens. This just creeps me out! I couldn't even touch it when I found out why it was so greasy. Ewww. And sometimes the treasures come from unexpected places.
I could ditch the rest of the strand, but I love these blue striped beads!
2. Read the fine print.
(They get away with it by calling it honey SAUCE)
3. Size does matter.
When I hand sewed everything (like, a month ago) it didn't matter how short my simple little pins were. When I bought the Grabbit, it came with a few of these longer pins and now I won't go back, I hate it when I run out of the longer ones and have to use the short stubby ones!
4. Caffeine Free Pepsi really does taste better in a wineglass at the end of a hard day.
5. Just because it's a farm stand doesn't mean it's locally grown. Or ripe.
This peach was so hard, I had to cut it in four before I could leverage one of the sections off the pit! I still ate it. See Blue Yonder's boy's comment about unripe peaches. I wholeheartedly agree! Turns out, this peach came all the way to New Hampshire from South Carolina! What, South Carolina didn't want it?
6. People care. They really do.
7. The remnant bin is still a good substitute for ice cream.
8. Don't try to get fabric cut on lunch break. I have no picture of this because I didn't have the fabric I wanted cut because I ran out of time because there was THAT lady in front of me with seriously two stacks, STACKS, of fabric bolts about two feet high EACH that she wanted 1/2 yard increments of. Two!!! If I'm ever THAT lady, I pray it's at the least busy time of day! Sorry, those of you who are that lady, I'm sure you had fantastic excuses and really really tried not to go at the BUSIEST time of day. Thank you for letting me vent. Not that you had a choice...
9. No handles = more effective clutter control.
(Note the box, not the pretty stuff inside it.) I used to use a basket for the purpose of corralling all the little things that end up in the car. I'd bring it inside, unload half of it, load it back up the next day, (with 1/2 the basket still full of things I'd brought in the night before) and bring it out the the car, and so on...but a shallow box with no handles = harder to tote back and forth = makes me think twice about bringing things in and out and in and out...
10. Darning socks isn't just something Gramma used to do in the olden days.
It's a really great idea.
11. Crying is good. It's really really good. No picture for this one either. You'll just have to take my word for it.
12. One woman's loose change is another woman's foreign coin. I found this among my shell collection. I have no idea when I stumbled upon it, but it reminds me that I'm now a part of a global network of friends and acquaintances. (Of which I'm incredibly grateful!)
13. Small and thin really is beautiful.
(Although it's not the ONLY beautiful thing on the face of the earth)
14. Men like to get together and look down holes. And when the storm drains fill up, sometimes it finds the path-of-least-resistance right into your next-door-neighbor's house via the bathtub. Oi.
15. You don't always get what you pay for. Sometimes you get more. I found this at a yard sale for 50 cents a few weeks ago and just got around to tracing the symbols stamped on the bottom. It comes from the Lawrence B. Smith Company out of Boston, Massachusetts which was in business from 1887 to 1958.
16. I don't always get what I ask for, but I really don't think it's because I offended God by calling Him "Honey."
17. I really really need to cut down on some of the things on my sidebar. (You know what I'm talking about.)
18. I not only enjoy cross stitch, I miss it too. A lot.
I love the texture of the Irish linen that I prefer to use, I love the softness of the floss, I love the feel of the finished stitches, I love completing the project, I love giving of my time and talent to show people that I love them, that I'm thinking of them, and that they are treasured.
19. And I miss my little Korean sister. I've mentioned her once before, I'll tell her story here since I miss her so much. Hyung is living with my parents during the school year (which runs from the end of August to June here) for three years until she graduates High School. When she comes back next month, she will be in her Senior year! When we first met, we hit it off right away. She says and does so many things that remind me of how I was at her age. This past school year we spent even more time together than the first year. I got a text message from her yesterday while I was on my lunch break. It was so good to hear from her!
She makes me feel good about myself. Not by telling me I'm great and encouraging me, although she does that too, but she laughs when I'm trying to be funny and she asks me hard questions and I manage to answer them and she's so grateful. She tells me she can be herself when she's around me, she is fiercely loyal to me, and so proud to call me her sister.
I miss her a lot, and hopefully the next month will go a little faster than the last one did!
21. A princess never hurries. I don't remember the exact line, but it comes from the movie The Princess Diaries with Anne Hathaway. I was moving small furniture items Tuesday night and was told to take it slow or I'd get hurt. I just didn't want to seem like I was working half-heartedly (especially since I couldn't really pitch in like I wanted to) but it reminded me that life is not a sprint.
22. I really REALLY don't like it when people pat me on the head. Right after the older guy (but not much older) told me not to hurry, he patted me on the head. Now I know why my mom never liked that. Since I'm short, I get it more often than I'd like to admit. And when I'm not wearing makeup or dressed professionally, I look about 18-23. Seriously. The head patting thing gets old quick when you're 30+!
So far that's all I've learned this week. I was shooting for 10. I guess I exceeded expectations!
1: Sometimes a $5 jewelry-and-beads-grab-bag is worth it.
And sometimes it isn't. I used to be a Nurses Aid and I can handle just about any human waste and/or fluid that comes my way except for phlegm, snot, drool, etc... And I don't abide sharing lip balm or public pens. This just creeps me out! I couldn't even touch it when I found out why it was so greasy. Ewww. And sometimes the treasures come from unexpected places.
I could ditch the rest of the strand, but I love these blue striped beads!
2. Read the fine print.
(They get away with it by calling it honey SAUCE)
3. Size does matter.
When I hand sewed everything (like, a month ago) it didn't matter how short my simple little pins were. When I bought the Grabbit, it came with a few of these longer pins and now I won't go back, I hate it when I run out of the longer ones and have to use the short stubby ones!
4. Caffeine Free Pepsi really does taste better in a wineglass at the end of a hard day.
5. Just because it's a farm stand doesn't mean it's locally grown. Or ripe.
This peach was so hard, I had to cut it in four before I could leverage one of the sections off the pit! I still ate it. See Blue Yonder's boy's comment about unripe peaches. I wholeheartedly agree! Turns out, this peach came all the way to New Hampshire from South Carolina! What, South Carolina didn't want it?
6. People care. They really do.
7. The remnant bin is still a good substitute for ice cream.
8. Don't try to get fabric cut on lunch break. I have no picture of this because I didn't have the fabric I wanted cut because I ran out of time because there was THAT lady in front of me with seriously two stacks, STACKS, of fabric bolts about two feet high EACH that she wanted 1/2 yard increments of. Two!!! If I'm ever THAT lady, I pray it's at the least busy time of day! Sorry, those of you who are that lady, I'm sure you had fantastic excuses and really really tried not to go at the BUSIEST time of day. Thank you for letting me vent. Not that you had a choice...
9. No handles = more effective clutter control.
(Note the box, not the pretty stuff inside it.) I used to use a basket for the purpose of corralling all the little things that end up in the car. I'd bring it inside, unload half of it, load it back up the next day, (with 1/2 the basket still full of things I'd brought in the night before) and bring it out the the car, and so on...but a shallow box with no handles = harder to tote back and forth = makes me think twice about bringing things in and out and in and out...
10. Darning socks isn't just something Gramma used to do in the olden days.
It's a really great idea.
11. Crying is good. It's really really good. No picture for this one either. You'll just have to take my word for it.
12. One woman's loose change is another woman's foreign coin. I found this among my shell collection. I have no idea when I stumbled upon it, but it reminds me that I'm now a part of a global network of friends and acquaintances. (Of which I'm incredibly grateful!)
13. Small and thin really is beautiful.
(Although it's not the ONLY beautiful thing on the face of the earth)
14. Men like to get together and look down holes. And when the storm drains fill up, sometimes it finds the path-of-least-resistance right into your next-door-neighbor's house via the bathtub. Oi.
15. You don't always get what you pay for. Sometimes you get more. I found this at a yard sale for 50 cents a few weeks ago and just got around to tracing the symbols stamped on the bottom. It comes from the Lawrence B. Smith Company out of Boston, Massachusetts which was in business from 1887 to 1958.
16. I don't always get what I ask for, but I really don't think it's because I offended God by calling Him "Honey."
17. I really really need to cut down on some of the things on my sidebar. (You know what I'm talking about.)
18. I not only enjoy cross stitch, I miss it too. A lot.
I love the texture of the Irish linen that I prefer to use, I love the softness of the floss, I love the feel of the finished stitches, I love completing the project, I love giving of my time and talent to show people that I love them, that I'm thinking of them, and that they are treasured.
19. And I miss my little Korean sister. I've mentioned her once before, I'll tell her story here since I miss her so much. Hyung is living with my parents during the school year (which runs from the end of August to June here) for three years until she graduates High School. When she comes back next month, she will be in her Senior year! When we first met, we hit it off right away. She says and does so many things that remind me of how I was at her age. This past school year we spent even more time together than the first year. I got a text message from her yesterday while I was on my lunch break. It was so good to hear from her!
She makes me feel good about myself. Not by telling me I'm great and encouraging me, although she does that too, but she laughs when I'm trying to be funny and she asks me hard questions and I manage to answer them and she's so grateful. She tells me she can be herself when she's around me, she is fiercely loyal to me, and so proud to call me her sister.
I miss her a lot, and hopefully the next month will go a little faster than the last one did!
21. A princess never hurries. I don't remember the exact line, but it comes from the movie The Princess Diaries with Anne Hathaway. I was moving small furniture items Tuesday night and was told to take it slow or I'd get hurt. I just didn't want to seem like I was working half-heartedly (especially since I couldn't really pitch in like I wanted to) but it reminded me that life is not a sprint.
22. I really REALLY don't like it when people pat me on the head. Right after the older guy (but not much older) told me not to hurry, he patted me on the head. Now I know why my mom never liked that. Since I'm short, I get it more often than I'd like to admit. And when I'm not wearing makeup or dressed professionally, I look about 18-23. Seriously. The head patting thing gets old quick when you're 30+!
So far that's all I've learned this week. I was shooting for 10. I guess I exceeded expectations!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Awareness
I've become more and more aware of my shopping-as-therapy activity lately. It's not so much the shopping, it's the clothing. I'm not happy with my body, and it's going to take a LOOONg time to change my body, so wearing something new makes me happy. Therefore, I shop for new clothes and get a quick hit of gratification that first few times I wear them, then I'm back where I started...back at the store, looking for something new again to soothe my unhappiness with my body.
Perhaps actually attempting real lifestyle-type change would be in order! (Rather than "dieting") While I do plan to make a series of food-related lifestyle changes in the near future, I am also looking at this whole shopping thing. It has such a negative impact on so many areas of my life, including (but certainly not limited to...) finances, my marriage (hiding my purchases when I don't feel like justifying them...because I know deep down I can't justify my purchases!), and the attitude that I can ignore the real problem and just keep buying clothes!
In a way, it's fortunate that I'm, well, oddly shaped. There, I said it. Let's just get it out there on the table! I'm short and stout. I will take 10 or more items into the dressing room and MAYBE come out with 1 or 2. I say this is fortunate, because it keeps me from buying out the store!!!
I'm large but petite...another contradiction! I'm 5'1" and, let's just say...Queenish. And I don't mean that in a royal way. But you know how pantyhose comes in A, B, and Queen? I love that! I would never have thought of naming a size Queen. And certainly not a large size! Maybe they should rename the "A" category "Princess!" Guess not. Right, so...it doesn't stop there. I'm bottom heavy too. And my arms are larger than their normally corresponding torso, so any tops I get "off the shelf" have to be a bit big in the torso so as to allow for a roomier sleeve. Then my waist is a much narrower size than my butt and thighs. Even when I was thin, I lamented my huge thighs. (I promise, God, If I'm ever size 4 again, I won't complain about my overly muscular legs!!!) So if I can manage to get pants or a skirt over my hips and thighs, the waistband is usually saggy...and since I'm petite, it's often at-or-above my belly button. (think old man pants!!!)
To clear up, I would say I have a size 16 waist, but have to wear 18 to not make my butt and thighs skin-tight. I could fit into size 10/12 (Large) shirt, but now need to wear XL (14/16) to allow for a normal range of motion in my arms!
A few years ago when I was given my new sewing machine, I got real excited (see last post). I had these plans of customizing patterns for my shape and maybe even designing my own clothes. I had so many ideas of necklines and dress styles, seriously. So many! And then I started cutting out a pattern and, well...it took too long and my scissors slid all over the place, and there wasn't enough room to block out the whole pattern, and the sewing machine was taking some getting used to and....well, see my last post.
All this explanation leads me to this: I found, quite by accident, Wardrobe Refashion. I was wearing a brown-toned top with black slacks one day earlier this week and was feeling a bit "what not to wear-ish" and decided to google "fashion rules." It was then that I stumbled upon this fantastic, amazing site/challenge/community! You have to check it out for yourself, I can't do it justice in the few words and minutes I have left to make this post...please check it out!!!
So I'm going to make friends with my 2-year-old, brand-spankin-new sewing machine my hubby got for me and take the challenge...no NEW clothes for two months! I don't officially start until July 1st, but I'm already starting on two projects.
*just lost the rest of my post for the 3rd time!!! oi.*
So, what I so-eloquently said (and lost 3 times!!!!), in a nutshell....is that yeah, this could end up really bad-looking, but I'm already wearing really ill-fitting clothes, so why not take the challenge for just two months? I'm not that great a seamstress, but this will also give me the chance to get better at it!
I can't wait to finish up my first two projects and move on to the other 20 in my head! (only half kidding!) And I'll add my progress here...it's really very exciting! The key is going to be doing this without getting obsessed about it!
Perhaps actually attempting real lifestyle-type change would be in order! (Rather than "dieting") While I do plan to make a series of food-related lifestyle changes in the near future, I am also looking at this whole shopping thing. It has such a negative impact on so many areas of my life, including (but certainly not limited to...) finances, my marriage (hiding my purchases when I don't feel like justifying them...because I know deep down I can't justify my purchases!), and the attitude that I can ignore the real problem and just keep buying clothes!
In a way, it's fortunate that I'm, well, oddly shaped. There, I said it. Let's just get it out there on the table! I'm short and stout. I will take 10 or more items into the dressing room and MAYBE come out with 1 or 2. I say this is fortunate, because it keeps me from buying out the store!!!
I'm large but petite...another contradiction! I'm 5'1" and, let's just say...Queenish. And I don't mean that in a royal way. But you know how pantyhose comes in A, B, and Queen? I love that! I would never have thought of naming a size Queen. And certainly not a large size! Maybe they should rename the "A" category "Princess!" Guess not. Right, so...it doesn't stop there. I'm bottom heavy too. And my arms are larger than their normally corresponding torso, so any tops I get "off the shelf" have to be a bit big in the torso so as to allow for a roomier sleeve. Then my waist is a much narrower size than my butt and thighs. Even when I was thin, I lamented my huge thighs. (I promise, God, If I'm ever size 4 again, I won't complain about my overly muscular legs!!!) So if I can manage to get pants or a skirt over my hips and thighs, the waistband is usually saggy...and since I'm petite, it's often at-or-above my belly button. (think old man pants!!!)
To clear up, I would say I have a size 16 waist, but have to wear 18 to not make my butt and thighs skin-tight. I could fit into size 10/12 (Large) shirt, but now need to wear XL (14/16) to allow for a normal range of motion in my arms!
A few years ago when I was given my new sewing machine, I got real excited (see last post). I had these plans of customizing patterns for my shape and maybe even designing my own clothes. I had so many ideas of necklines and dress styles, seriously. So many! And then I started cutting out a pattern and, well...it took too long and my scissors slid all over the place, and there wasn't enough room to block out the whole pattern, and the sewing machine was taking some getting used to and....well, see my last post.
All this explanation leads me to this: I found, quite by accident, Wardrobe Refashion. I was wearing a brown-toned top with black slacks one day earlier this week and was feeling a bit "what not to wear-ish" and decided to google "fashion rules." It was then that I stumbled upon this fantastic, amazing site/challenge/community! You have to check it out for yourself, I can't do it justice in the few words and minutes I have left to make this post...please check it out!!!
So I'm going to make friends with my 2-year-old, brand-spankin-new sewing machine my hubby got for me and take the challenge...no NEW clothes for two months! I don't officially start until July 1st, but I'm already starting on two projects.
So, what I so-eloquently said (and lost 3 times!!!!), in a nutshell....is that yeah, this could end up really bad-looking, but I'm already wearing really ill-fitting clothes, so why not take the challenge for just two months? I'm not that great a seamstress, but this will also give me the chance to get better at it!
I can't wait to finish up my first two projects and move on to the other 20 in my head! (only half kidding!) And I'll add my progress here...it's really very exciting! The key is going to be doing this without getting obsessed about it!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Change of Address
Right now in my life I am going through a constant state of transition it seems. The title "How to Grow" is not really meant to be seen as an instruction manual, but as an example of my own life-change. And sometimes I'm sure it will be a "how-not-to!!!"
For those of you who know me, this "change of blog address" will not be much of a shocker. I do a lot of rearanging. I always want things "just so" and if I can't make it work how things are set up already, I simply take out a wall. Or relandscape. Again.
I've had a blog for awhile, but I'm moving into Blogger. I like it a lot and feel more comfortable with the setup. No walls to move. Yet. Talk to me in a year or two!
As an introduction to those of you who do not yet know me, I'm not sure how to describe myself. Thinking about my own preconceived notions of people, I seem to be a bit of an eccentric. I love NASCAR & sewing. I grew up as a tomboy but at one point was a Mary Kay director. I am getting a motorcycle this year, but I am afraid of roller coasters & ferris wheels (& anything else high and rickety). I am at ease in front of a crowd but don't like big parties. I don't want to be put up on a pedestal, but I want to be known and accepted. I want people to know that I care, but don't want to be praised for my compassion.
This is just a short list of my seeming-contradictory self. You'll see what I mean as I continue to post.
Blessings as you read on and change your own lives!!
For those of you who know me, this "change of blog address" will not be much of a shocker. I do a lot of rearanging. I always want things "just so" and if I can't make it work how things are set up already, I simply take out a wall. Or relandscape. Again.I've had a blog for awhile, but I'm moving into Blogger. I like it a lot and feel more comfortable with the setup. No walls to move. Yet. Talk to me in a year or two!
As an introduction to those of you who do not yet know me, I'm not sure how to describe myself. Thinking about my own preconceived notions of people, I seem to be a bit of an eccentric. I love NASCAR & sewing. I grew up as a tomboy but at one point was a Mary Kay director. I am getting a motorcycle this year, but I am afraid of roller coasters & ferris wheels (& anything else high and rickety). I am at ease in front of a crowd but don't like big parties. I don't want to be put up on a pedestal, but I want to be known and accepted. I want people to know that I care, but don't want to be praised for my compassion.
This is just a short list of my seeming-contradictory self. You'll see what I mean as I continue to post.
Blessings as you read on and change your own lives!!
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