Random Thoughts

I've been contemplating "sustained discipline" with my counselor. Not in depth, because it seems that each session there is something else more pressing. My lack of self-discipline isn't going anywhere. Not today anyway. I just spent about two hours on the computer, 1/2 an hour doing dishes, and here I am back on the computer.

I like the anonymity of the internet. I can say or be anything I want to be. But mostly I want to be Me.

Last night my hubby and I were talking about what we wanted to do if, by the completion of that "thing we'd do," our lives would end. I decided I wanted to record the stories of the people I meet through the furniture ministry at my church. Their stories need to be shared. Their struggles need to be brought to light. Their courage in the face of hopelessness needs to be celebrated.

Which brings me to another thought I've been having today. It's been bothering me lately that it is so hard to find mattresses for these folks. Any time we receive a mattress in donation, it is immediately delivered because we literally have a waiting list. But what if we had a mattress drive, or a fund raiser for the express purpose of purchasing mattresses? What if we got a furniture company involved and asked if they'd match any donations toward purchasing mattresses at their establishment? What if everyone had a mattress that needed one? What if guest rooms around the city were disassembled? What if people around the state became more aware of the fact that kids, elderly, refugees, veterans, people just like you and me, were sleeping on couches, on piles of clothing, towels, the bare floor.

What if?

To that end, I'm starting a new blog. The new one won't have any links back here because, like I said. I like my anonymity here. But I'm going to write about our ministry. And I'm going to write about the people we meet, and my team that is so eager to help. And about the challenges we face throughout the city. And maybe, just maybe we'll start to become more aware.

Confidence

I didn't get another job I'd interviewed for. Confidence is waning.
Oi.
I seriously didn't think it'd be this hard to find another job. Now I'm back to responding to postings with hours and locations I'd rather not do, but, well, I need a job.
I'm currently looking for temp work so I don't have to settle for a permanent position I don't really want to take. I figure I can do anything short term. But back to working until 6 from a half hour away from home? Isn't that one of the reasons I left?!
Oi.
I'm finding out a lot about myself. Like I have more control over my depression than I ever imagined.
And my concept of self is way more linked to employment than I ever imagined.
And I'm liking staying home way more than I ever imagined.
But how to take all that into consideration...quite a chore indeed.

A bump in the night

Disclaimer: I love cats. I love most animals. If I weren't allergic, I'd have a house full of animals.

but I digress...

I almost laughed so hard last night, but I knew my hubby wouldn't understand.
When I got home it was sweltering in the house, so I opened the doors and windows (since it was cooler outside!!!) and went in the backyard to relax for a few minutes. I went back in eventually, closed the outside doors, and went on my way about my evening.
Fast forward to 12:45 am.
My hubby turns on the lights in the bedroom and leaves the room, muttering something about getting rid of the cat.
We don't have a cat.
It's obsurd.
I believe he's sleep walking or only half awake and thinking about his dream still. He comes back in the room and starts poking around under the bed saying "come on kitty, here kitty." I'm now awake and seriously concerned for his sanity.
"What ARE you doing?"
"I told you, getting that stupid black cat out of here."
"We don't have a cat."
He gives me a look like "no duh."
"Well somehow it got in here and it was walking all over me while I was sleeping."
I give him a look like "suuuuuure."
Then out of nowhere a black cat streaks from under my side of the bed out into the hall and across to the guest room.
Oh.
I guess there was a cat in the room.
Which would explain the weird sounds upstairs when we were watching tv earlier.
I attempt to go back to sleep, but my hubby is still determined to get the cat out of the house pronto. After listening to him bumble about the guest room, talking sweetly to the "stupid cat," I get up to try to help. We eventually got it out from under the guest bed, then the hope chest, then from behind the bureau. My hubby carried it down the stairs and THREW it out the front door!
I was a little concerned.
Poor cat.

ABC's of Homemaking

Not that I'm a homemaker in the sense that I am a SAH-Homemaker, but I am a homemaker in the sense that I still have a home to "make." Right?
I found this over at Sweet P's blog, Coffee Time at Home:

Aprons--y/n If y, what does your favorite look like?
I have two aprons. I usually forget to use them and end up getting oil splatter or chocolate on my regular shirts, but when I do remember to wear an apron, I prefer the bright red one because it's simple and works like a charm. The other one has adjustable straps that are more work than they need to be.

Baking--Favorite thing to bake?
I love baking! I'd have to say my favorite thing to bake is cookies. My hubby's a cookie monster! Other than that, I'm always up for something new!

Clothes line?
Yes!!! But I have a question for y'all. (in all honesty!)
I hang my clothes out before I leave for work and they hang out there for about 10 hours a day. Is that why they are so stiff, or would they still be stiff even if I took them down as soon as they were dry? I use vinegar as fabric softener, but I actually tried some real fabric softener I had leftover with one load and had the same results: Very stiff. Which is fine, I don't mind, but if they'll be softer with less time on the line, I'll do as much as I can on the weekends.

Donuts--Have you ever made them?
I've never made donuts. I'm not much of a donut girl. We do have a FryDaddy deep fryer though and have made chicken fingers, onion rings, stuffed jalapenos, french toast sticks, mozzarella sticks, and much more I'm probably forgetting.

Everyday--One homemaking thing you do every day?
Um, I don't, like, do chores every SINGLE day.
If anything, I throw a load of laundry in the wash most days. (Forget about folding and putting away though, that's actual work!)

Freezer--Do you have a separate deep freeze?
I would LOVE a separate deep freezer! Right now we have our main regular fridge/freezer unit and a separate fridge/freezer unit in the basement that my hubby converted into a kegerator complete with a tap system years and years ago. He never uses it as a kegerator anymore, and it's still usable, just has a hose sticking out of it! The freezer on that unit is standard size.

Garbage Disposer?
No, but now I compost anyway.

Handbook--What is your favorite homemaking resource?
Home Ec 101

Ironing--Love it or Hate it? Or hate it but love the results?
I'm pretty neutral on this. Don't love it, don't dread it. It's just sort of one of those things.

Junk Drawer--y/n? Where is it?
I have two. Three. No, two. Oh, darn...is that other one still a junk drawer? Drat. They are all in the kitchen. My poor, disorganized kitchen.

Kitchen--color and decorating scheme
The walls are a very soft muted green and the decorating scheme is Chili Peppers, so I have lots of red accents.

Love--what is your favorite part of homemaking?
When I have the time to do it without being rushed, I love to cook and bake.

Mop--y/n?
Not so much.

Nylons--wash by hand or in the washing machine?
I used to handwash them when I bought the super expensive good ones at you-know-who's (shhh! it's a secret, after all!) Now I hardly wear them and when I do, they go in the wash, but hang to dry. Well, everything hangs to dry now, but pre-clothesline, those already hung to dry.

Oven--do you use the window or open the oven to check?
I open the door to check. I find it pretty hard to see through the dark glass. Or am I supposed to clean that glass?

Pizza--What do you put on yours?
It's usually the one time we eat off paper plates.
Oh, what I put on IT...olives, sausage, mozzarella, basil, pepperoni, chunky tomatoes.

Quiet--What do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment?
I don't know what I'd do with a quiet moment. I'm much too ADHD for that! Though I do schedule in craft time at night. Sewing, beading, cross stitching, etc.

Recipe Card Box--y/n? What does it look like?
Yes. It's wooden with a slanted top and a holder piece for the "recipe in progress" to rest while you're using it! Fan-tastic!

Style of house--What style is your house?
Cape. Wow. So succinct.

Tablecloths or Place mats?
Either. Right now we're using a classic red and white checked tablecloth (not Vinyl!!!) but I'll go through stages, switching it up every once in a while. Have I mentioned my ADHD?

Under the kitchen sink--organized or toxic wasteland?
Uh - total jumbled wasteland! Trash, recycling, toxic cleaners I still haven't used up so I can replace them with my homemade ones, dustpan and hand broom, garbage bags, mystery containers, etc....

Vacuum--How many times per week?
Per WEEK? Eek! I think I just vacuumed Tuesday night for the first time in a year! (My hubby usually does this as we only have carpeting in the guest room, stairway and a throw rug in the living room. I hurt myself awhile back and he does it all at the same time since I couldn't do the stairs for so long.) To be honest, I think he did it every other week.

Wash--How many loads of laundry do you do per week?
Oh, was I supposed to keep track? Actually, last month there's no way I'd be able to tell you, but since we've been using the clothesline, it works out for me to put a load in every night and hang it out to dry every morning. I probably do this 4-5 times per week now.

X's--Do you keep a daily list of things to do that you cross off?
Sometimes?
(And do you complete said list?) (My attempt at humor)
Uh, ... not usually?

Yard--y/n? Who does what?
My hubby takes care of most of the yard work. I sometimes pitch in, but usually it's just with weeding the strawberry patch or pruning bushes or taking care of the area that gets poison ivy since I don't react to it.

ZZZ's--what is your last homemaking task for the day before going to bed?
Like, every night?
Yeah, I'm not that organized.
Well, I'm beginning to be with the laundry situation. I'll put a load of laundry in the wash just before bed now. But besides that, I'm usually crafting or watching tv by the time bedtime rolls around and totally not in the homemaker mode!


Quite honestly, I'm a terrible homemaker. I can't imagine how I thought I'd be better when I had my own house. Something about pride in ownership.
Yeah, didn't happen. My poor hubby. He's definitely a keeper! He only complains about it about once or twice a year!

Overwhelmed

Here's a question for y'all:

How do you manage
-simplifying your life
-working a full time job
-implementing cost-savings lifestyle changes that add time to your chores
-implementing health-savings lifestyle changes that add time and quality to your life but also take time and energy from your day
-participating/leading/coordinating two volunteer/mission projects
-stoping to smell the roses
-challenging yourself to grow in many different ways (and hopefully not horizontally like me)
AND
-doing it all well
-not feeling pulled in 10 different directions at once

-(and I don't even have kids to take care of!)
Oi
No wonder I'm in counseling.
Which is sort of a ha-ha statement, but more in a "ha-ha...ha...that's not really funny is it?" sort of way.

One answer I just thought of (aha moment): As much as I enjoy the shows Bones, House, the Bill Engvall Show, Ghost Hunters, Cheers reruns, and watching live NASCAR races, I simply don't think I have time for them anymore!

And then of course there's the more obvious answer:

You Don't.

So perhaps I have to give up one (or five) of those things!
-Like leading/coordinating two missions (participating is still an option, isn't it?)
-And of course the one I really want to give up is the full time job, but let's be realistic, here.
-Maybe Challenging myself to grow in MANY different ways is a bit much. One or two is more at pace with reality.

Maybe the answers will come to me this weekend as I float on Conway Lake between scattered showers and the threat of thunderstorms.
Or around the fire.
Yeah.
Probably around the fire.

Catching up...

I'm officially back from camping, an internet-less weekend. By choice. Our campground actually had wifi and I did bring my laptop so I could empty my memory card as it filled up, but I stayed away from blog-land and e-mail.
I'm having such a great time catching up on all the posts I missed over the weekend! I'm salivating over Busy Bee's canning treasures, it's inspiring me to log onto Craigslist and look for more canning equipment!
I'm SO excited about Karen finally ariving in Anchorage after her 7-day solo driving tour from North Carolina! I can't wait to see Alaska through her alaska-virgin eyes! My parents did the same trip, but from Connecticut, back in 1972. Except they did it with a 2-year old (my big brother) to boot!
I'm also happy for Triz, who is on the Front Page! She's just the nicest person, and a wonderful, inspiring artist as well! Couldn't happen to a nicer person!
Checking in on Shelly and Hope is always a treat! Hope's concentration with the horses and ponies is so cute!
And I can't wait to make this bag! Darling Petunia has such elegance and style! Of course, that's going to have to wait until the other 15,000 ideas I have lined up have been done! Naw, I'll just do it now!
And I LOVE Stephanie's jars! Another idea for a rainy day. Maybe if I schedule it now, I'll get it done by mid-October.
I SO wish I lived in Tampa Bay, (and hadn't taken the Buy Nothing Challenge,) because I'd TOTALLY snatch up this blender!
I found that I could relate to a lot of the readers from Simple Dollar's mailbag, especially Dody (feeling like you're not doing enough; The steps I'm taking seem miniscule in relation to my goals) But Trent's encouragement to break it down into weekly goals is right on.
Reading about Journeyer's July Goals Review reminds me that it's important to make goals not only in finance, but all areas in life. (And to have them posted in front of you all month too!!)
And Leah's post made me laugh, because it's the same question I've asked myself constantly in the last month as we've had so much rain! (Are there any other ideas for how to use the dehumidifier water besides throwing it down the drain?)
Not to mention Bragger's Un-Goals for the New School Year. Seriously, totally laugh-worthy material!
I couldn't wait to hear about Jana's most recent Journey, and was inspired by her insight on the woman with the alabaster box.
I was also more than eager to get an update on my church's current trip to Rwanda. I'm excited that they also including a post with some pictures.
I found another book I need to read. Except it may just end up being more clutter. Which would kind of defeat the purpose. (When organizing isn't enough, shed your stuff, change your life.)
And finally, Laura reminded me that it's Menu Plan Monday. But the day's not over yet!!
My hubby and I saw lots of bikes this weekend up north in the lakes region of New Hampshire. It made us consider riding up on our bikes next year instead of the truck. Sounds like a great idea to me! (Now we just need to find good deals on a couple of bikes and the funds to pay for them with!)

Note to Self: 3rd Edition

1. The philosophy of efficiency with money can be easily replicated in an efficiency with time concept. Thanks, Journeyer for sharing this insight! Be sure to check out both her links. The Maya Angelou quote at the bottom of her introduction is another whole lesson in itself!

2. Balance is of utmost importance. But balance can't always be acheived the same way in every situation. Take motorcycle riding. Sometimes, like when weaving back and forth, you stay seated straight up and down while the bike leans back and forth. Other times, like around a sweeping corner, you lean very slightly with the bike. And other times, like when doing a very tight u-turn, you actually have to counterweigh the bike, leaning the opposite way.

In each situation, as in life, it's important to assess the situation and figure out what position will acheive the optimal result.

3. But no matter how balance is acheived, you always have to keep your chin up and look ahead to where you're going. Otherwise, balance is irrelevant. You might be balanced, but you'll be wobbling all over the place without direction.

4. If you want to change one habit, it may involve changing another habit. I have struggled with this month's Quit Now Challenge of quitting the snooze button. Today I had my biggest victory yet! I only hit the snooze button twice. I realized something else though. I went to bed about 1-2 hours earlier than normal. I usually head to bed at 10 at the earliest. Sometimes if I don't think I'm "tired enough," I'll stay up until 12 or 1 am. As a kid I would sit in bed for hours on end unable to sleep, so I'm extremely vigilant about knowing when I'm "ready" for bed. But last night I headed to bed just after 9 and fell asleep pretty quickly. It makes me realize that I can change my snooze button habit, but it may take changing my bedtime habits as well.

5. Who knew making a bib would be more difficult than a blanket?! Apparently, size DOESN'T matter! It's all those *%)$%(&$%&%* curves!

6. One of the best ways to overcome a fear is to simply do it anyway. Driving to motorcycle training Wednesday morning, my hubby and I discussed our concerns about riding in the rain and were somewhat grateful to be given the opportunity to ride in the rain during the training so that we could learn how to compensate for it. What we learned was that with the right gear, it's not that big of a deal (within reason.) With proper rain gear and a full face helmet, you're pretty much protected from the rain. It's still not the best of conditions, but it's nothing to be afraid of.

drenched, but trying to dry out.

7. With a big enough stash, you can make just about anything! I made a special square out of the materials used to make the baby blanket, then I attached a bunch of ribbons and triangles of material from my stash. They are all different textures and colors for the baby to play with! If it weren't Stash Month, I'd have been tempted to go out and buy new ribbon and more remnants!

8. Saving money can be fun! I'm really enjoying the challenge of finding alternate ways of doing things (other than going out and buying the newest, best big thing)

9. Antiques are fun! My first giveaway wasn't exactly the biggest bestest thing-a-ma-jig, but it was a cool little trivia/mystery piece.

This little guy was used years ago before plastic bags were all the rage! The hooks on either end would wrap around the string used to secure books and packages, the handle would make it easier to carry the package without the string digging into your fingers!

I found this guy at a yard sale earlier in the year. The man selling it was impressed that I knew what it was used for. A few years back my mom and I stumbled upon one at an over-priced antique shop and couldn't figure out what it was. We got the scoop then, and I scooped this little guy up at the yard sale for 50 cents! (instead of the $8 the antique shop wanted for it!) I'm saving one for mom for christmas, saving one for myself, and Bragger here gets the last one! (yeah, she gets the prize AND you can blame her for taking the last perfect man!) So, Bragger, leave me a comment with your address (I promise I won't approve it for public view!) and I'll get your string handle thingy in the mail on Monday! (I know what it's used for, but not what it's officially called!) I guess I could just make up a name for it like the bird in the Little Mermaid.... Naw...

10. Avoiding confrontation often leads to a worse, unavoidable confrontation down the line. (Cue yesterday's rant.) I'm as much to blame as my hubby for this, but camping with the family is now a huge soap opera drama that could have been handled a LOT better by both of us a month or two ago, but we took the seemingly easy (avoidant) route at the time and are paying dearly for it now. It all comes back to boundaries, assertiveness and personal responsibility. I can't control how Mom and Dad will react, but I do have the responsibility of not initiating or participating in these games.

Note to Self:

22 random lessons I've learned this week.


1: Sometimes a $5 jewelry-and-beads-grab-bag is worth it.



And sometimes it isn't. I used to be a Nurses Aid and I can handle just about any human waste and/or fluid that comes my way except for phlegm, snot, drool, etc... And I don't abide sharing lip balm or public pens. This just creeps me out! I couldn't even touch it when I found out why it was so greasy. Ewww. And sometimes the treasures come from unexpected places.

I could ditch the rest of the strand, but I love these blue striped beads!

2. Read the fine print.


(They get away with it by calling it honey SAUCE)

3. Size does matter.


When I hand sewed everything (like, a month ago) it didn't matter how short my simple little pins were. When I bought the Grabbit, it came with a few of these longer pins and now I won't go back, I hate it when I run out of the longer ones and have to use the short stubby ones!


4. Caffeine Free Pepsi really does taste better in a wineglass at the end of a hard day.





5. Just because it's a farm stand doesn't mean it's locally grown. Or ripe.

This peach was so hard, I had to cut it in four before I could leverage one of the sections off the pit! I still ate it. See Blue Yonder's boy's comment about unripe peaches. I wholeheartedly agree! Turns out, this peach came all the way to New Hampshire from South Carolina! What, South Carolina didn't want it?



6. People care. They really do.


7. The remnant bin is still a good substitute for ice cream.



8. Don't try to get fabric cut on lunch break. I have no picture of this because I didn't have the fabric I wanted cut because I ran out of time because there was THAT lady in front of me with seriously two stacks, STACKS, of fabric bolts about two feet high EACH that she wanted 1/2 yard increments of. Two!!! If I'm ever THAT lady, I pray it's at the least busy time of day! Sorry, those of you who are that lady, I'm sure you had fantastic excuses and really really tried not to go at the BUSIEST time of day. Thank you for letting me vent. Not that you had a choice...


9. No handles = more effective clutter control.



(Note the box, not the pretty stuff inside it.) I used to use a basket for the purpose of corralling all the little things that end up in the car. I'd bring it inside, unload half of it, load it back up the next day, (with 1/2 the basket still full of things I'd brought in the night before) and bring it out the the car, and so on...but a shallow box with no handles = harder to tote back and forth = makes me think twice about bringing things in and out and in and out...


10. Darning socks isn't just something Gramma used to do in the olden days.

It's a really great idea.


11. Crying is good. It's really really good. No picture for this one either. You'll just have to take my word for it.


12. One woman's loose change is another woman's foreign coin. I found this among my shell collection. I have no idea when I stumbled upon it, but it reminds me that I'm now a part of a global network of friends and acquaintances. (Of which I'm incredibly grateful!)




13. Small and thin really is beautiful.


(Although it's not the ONLY beautiful thing on the face of the earth)



14. Men like to get together and look down holes. And when the storm drains fill up, sometimes it finds the path-of-least-resistance right into your next-door-neighbor's house via the bathtub. Oi.





15. You don't always get what you pay for. Sometimes you get more. I found this at a yard sale for 50 cents a few weeks ago and just got around to tracing the symbols stamped on the bottom. It comes from the Lawrence B. Smith Company out of Boston, Massachusetts which was in business from 1887 to 1958.






16. I don't always get what I ask for, but I really don't think it's because I offended God by calling Him "Honey."


17. I really really need to cut down on some of the things on my sidebar. (You know what I'm talking about.)


18. I not only enjoy cross stitch, I miss it too. A lot.

I love the texture of the Irish linen that I prefer to use, I love the softness of the floss, I love the feel of the finished stitches, I love completing the project, I love giving of my time and talent to show people that I love them, that I'm thinking of them, and that they are treasured.



19. And I miss my little Korean sister. I've mentioned her once before, I'll tell her story here since I miss her so much. Hyung is living with my parents during the school year (which runs from the end of August to June here) for three years until she graduates High School. When she comes back next month, she will be in her Senior year! When we first met, we hit it off right away. She says and does so many things that remind me of how I was at her age. This past school year we spent even more time together than the first year. I got a text message from her yesterday while I was on my lunch break. It was so good to hear from her!
She makes me feel good about myself. Not by telling me I'm great and encouraging me, although she does that too, but she laughs when I'm trying to be funny and she asks me hard questions and I manage to answer them and she's so grateful. She tells me she can be herself when she's around me, she is fiercely loyal to me, and so proud to call me her sister.

I miss her a lot, and hopefully the next month will go a little faster than the last one did!


21. A princess never hurries. I don't remember the exact line, but it comes from the movie The Princess Diaries with Anne Hathaway. I was moving small furniture items Tuesday night and was told to take it slow or I'd get hurt. I just didn't want to seem like I was working half-heartedly (especially since I couldn't really pitch in like I wanted to) but it reminded me that life is not a sprint.


22. I really REALLY don't like it when people pat me on the head. Right after the older guy (but not much older) told me not to hurry, he patted me on the head. Now I know why my mom never liked that. Since I'm short, I get it more often than I'd like to admit. And when I'm not wearing makeup or dressed professionally, I look about 18-23. Seriously. The head patting thing gets old quick when you're 30+!




So far that's all I've learned this week. I was shooting for 10. I guess I exceeded expectations!

MJ? Really?

Okay, so my friends don't call me MJ.
But I wish they would.
Ever since junior high, I've wanted to be called MJ. But then I'd be a copy-cat.
See there was this guy that actually was called MJ. But it'd be a strange co-incidence to have two MJ's in the same graduating class. Especially if they're of different genders! I guess not so strange. My brother's name is Erin. Yes Brother. Yes Erin, not Aaron.
But still, I'd be a copy-cat.
So on blogger, I got the chance to call myself anything I wanted to. Anything at all! And after all these years, I finally get to be MJ.
Those are truly my initials though. And I really do sign my cross stitches with just my initials and the year.
The funny thing is (yeah - this is the one funny part!) (I don't know if the sarcasm is showing through or it's just wishful thinking...)
Ahem...the funny thing is, I really like my actual name too!