I think I'm ready...

...to make changes in my finances.
I've been looking for ways to save on expenses the last few months, downright worried about our spending habits. It seems like every time we get out of debt, we plunge right back in again. And it's not even like we save and make payments and sacrifice...we refinance the house. Can you say unhealthy?
One of the problems I have is that I don't pay for the utility or mortgage expenses. I pay for most of the cost-of-living expenses like food, gas, my car, household maintenance, property taxes (which in New Hampshire are pretty high because we don't have income or sales tax). My hubby handles the house, auto insurance and the utilities.
We both have unhealthy spending habits which is why we have separate accounts. I don't want to be in trouble because of a mistake he's made overspending and vice versa.
I've been listening to Trent, David, Kacie and Mrs. Micah for a little while now and I think I have a game plan of how to approach this effectively...

The Conversation with my hubby. Getting on the same page.
Set Goals. With Deadlines. What do we want to save for? What do we need to pay for now? (Like past purchases. Ouch.)
Monitor and celebrate success. (Without spending!)

All in all, I'm excited about it. I know I have unhealthy spending habits and I've started becoming more than just aware of it, I've been developing new habits for avoiding those unhealthy situations. Now it's time to step it up a notch and set goals and work as a team.

the big questions...

I had my interview this morning and I think I spent more time contemplating my interview outfit than preparing for the interview itself! In the end, it really didn't matter. I mean, how do you prepare for an interview? Normally, I'd find the company's website, learn as much as I can about their service, industry and market, and try to dig down a little deeper into whatever part of the company I'd be working in. It's hard to really research a state agency. I suppose I could have tried.

There were three of them! I anticipated that, and it wasn't even unnerving, but when I think about it, it could have been very nerve wracking! One asked me if I knew how many Commissioners there were. I said I really hadn't thought about it but supposed one. Wrong. I mean, is that really a serious interview question? I think it was more of an educational method. You know...the teacher doesn't just say 5 X 5 is 25. The teacher asks...what's 5 X 5? Then you remember it better because you actively think about both the question and answer.

I seriously don't think that's going to be a major sticking point in the overall interview review, but I laughed about it later.

I ended up selecting a shirt this morning because it was clean. Good reason to wear something to an interview! I couldn't find the one I wanted, and the refashioned one I REALLY wanted wasn't turning out the way I imagined in my head!

It's interesting...I even changed my shoes at the last minute because I had on these cute short heels (1") with a great point and little bow, but I sometimes roll my ankle and I didn't want to worry about looking stupid walking down the hall and falling, so I wore the less-cute-but-still-nice flats.

It's interesting to me because I think going into an interview you want to portray confidence and there are a few factors that go into confidence. You have to weigh those factors against each other until you find the balance and where you need to be. I had to weigh comfort against appearance (shirt - didn't have full range of motion in my arms with another one, but it looked more professional) and I had to weigh appearance with ease-of-mind with the shoes.

In the end, I was confident that I looked professional and wouldn't fall on my face. Works for me!

A sample of the big questions of the morning:


If you were in a position where a co-worker is being treated unfairly and you'd need to intervene on their behalf, what would you do and why?


What is your definition of morals and integrity?


Describe a situation in which you've personally demonstrated integrity.


You've messed up really bad. What do you do?


Describe a situation in which there is really bad communication and what you did to correct it.


What is one of the hardest things you face in a working situation and why.


Do I stay up all night working on the shirt that's going to make me feel fantastic or do I go to sleep early since I haven't gotten a good night's rest in almost a week?





(Still on hangers) black straight-leg slacks, chiffon-y polyester top with dotted tank lining. The top was a little busy and harsh for my taste, but it fits great. They are all store bought and all pieces I've work quite a bit. I really want to refashion something great, but I think it's going to take a certain amount of practice and trial-and-error and building experience before I get there. Not that I'm setting my expectations low. I think I'm simply being realistic.

I went to Wendy's last night with an older woman who's taken me under her wing. She's fantastic! I've never had grandparents very close (always at least 2 hours away) and I get to see her once or twice a week now. I have to tell you, I am so encouraged by her! I think our minds work very similarly and it's great seeing that she turned out all right, so I've got a chance too! My point was going to be about Wendy's though.

It's getting harder and harder to pass up the ice cream. It's still not difficult. On a scale of 1.) No Problem, 5.) Difficult, to 10.) Impossible, I'd say I'm at a 3. So no worries yet, but we went inside to order last night and being in the presence of fresh Frosties for an extended period of time was probably a little bit of a temptation. I didn't dwell on it, but it occurred to me once or twice.

I'm glad we went though, because it tells me I need to be aware of these things. Awareness is powerful.

Emotional eating, NASCAR, and remembering

At my last counseling session, "Bill" and I talked about my eating habits. I brought it up, among other things, but hadn't intended for it to be something to work on JUST YET. Well, the more we talked about it, the more I realized that this is indeed the time to do something about it. This picture is of me about a year ago, after I'd lost quite a bit of weight. I have since gained it back and then some. Bill encouraged me to begin an eating journal, especially focusing on when I am "emotionally eating."

I plan to start the journal Monday, after I return from our "camping" trip to New Hampshire Motor Speedway for the NASCAR race! Go Tony! (Stewart) Actually, I'm a big Joe Gibbs fan, but Tony's driving talent caught my eye before I knew about Joe Gibb's ownership of the team.

Right, back to the topic...I'll probably post some of the entries here, as I examine my eating habits and how my emotions impact (and are impacted by) what I eat.

I've also been thinking a lot today about something that happened right around the time that picture was taken. My hubby and I have been trying on-and-off for five years to start a family. To this date, we've been unsuccesful. Last year, I really thought I was pregnant. It seemed obvious at the time. I had extreme mood swings I'd never had in all my years of PMS, I was "late," and had regular feelings of nausea. Looking back, the explanation seems clear. I was on some hormones that usually helps PMS, but with me it became worse. I was traveling, which also sometimes has an effect on your menstrual cycle. But while it was happening, it wasn't so clear.

I wasn't just sure. I'd been "sure" half a dozen times in the last four years. I was POSITIVE. 100%. Over the moon; didn't need a test to know; this was it.

We were still traveling when I got my period. I was dumbfounded, numb, walking around in a daze. Thankfully, it was the middle of a two-week vacation so I had some time to pull myself together, but still...I can remember sitting in a museum presentation thinking "here I am, watching this movie. How? Why? After (I thought) loosing the baby? This is crazy. How can I be doing THIS after THAT just happened? As if it's just another day. As if I'm perfectly fine. "

To further complicate matters, things weren't real great with me and my hubby at the time. I'd decided just before "discovering" the pregnancy that I was going to stop seeing the specialist for a while until our marriage was doing better. I had real fears as relating to parenting with him and knew that we needed major help before moving forward with a family. But once I thought I was pregnant, there was no way I was going to regret it, no matter what state our marriage was in! I looked all my fears in the eye and moved forward, ready to embrace the challenge and do my best without looking back.

So a year later, I look back and remember those days. It still seems so surreal. In a way it's a blessing that it happened while away because I don't have to walk around the house remembering sitting on the couch for hours at a time in contemplation. It was some anonymous hotel room out in the world somewhere and I'll never have to see it again.

I think I'm stronger for it though. My mom said she had a dream that one day I'd face a difficult challenge, decide to face it with courage and integrity, and then have it be taken away.

That's just how I want to live my life...with courage and integrity. And it's so true that sometimes the blessings and challenges are the same thing and sometimes they are taken away. But courage and integrity can never be taken away, only forfeited by choice.