Slow Progress

Decisions:

I've been considering starting a separate blog for just crafting, but have come to realize that there's just one me. There's so much overlap of my inner mind, my crafting, my eating habits, my craziness...it's all intertwined. So I'm keeping the blog as-is right now, in sort of a "Wholistic Approach to Personal Growth."

Empowerment:

I had a hard discussion with a good friend last night. A lifelong friend, to be exact. My hubby and I have both known Keith since grade school/junior high. He introduced the two of us at the age of 20, and as long as we've known him, he's not changed a bit. He's still that rambunctious grade school kid having a blast on the playground! Good in some ways, not in others.

We talked for almost an hour and it was tough. There was confrontation, having to be assertive, and anxiety that he'd be his normal aggressive/defensive-by-being-offensive self. It was a little touch and go there for a little while, but in the end, I think it worked out well.

I learned a lot. I learned that I can say what I need to without apology because standing up for yourself then following it up by apologizing for it isn't standing up for yourself at all. I said some hard things and he said some hard things and at first I think he was just slashing back, trying to defend himself by deflecting the attention and being hurtful, but in the end we hit the middle ground and the things that were said were still hard to hear, but less hurtful and closer to the truth. I'm really surprised by that and proud of him for it. It could have really gone bad quickly.

I think part of what saved it was that I prayed first, (and during), and really held my tongue a lot and let him talk for about 8 minutes straight at one point. I remember sitting there, thinking to myself: I have so much to say back, I can think of some real zingers that would be so clever, but I don't want that. I want to preserve this friendship if possible, but with healthy boundaries. I can't let him walk all over me, but I'm not going to walk all over him either.

The thing is, I've been trying to be more assertive and establishing boundaries for over a year and this is the first time it's really been tested where I've held my ground instead of just removing myself from the situation in order to preserve the boundaries. Talk about slow progress! But I think it's revealing that it's with Keith and not someone like a parent. It's going to be a lot more difficult to do this with my parents. Even though we have a "good" relationship, it's almost like it's too good. It's too open, it's too. It's expected that my life is an open book to them, and that's not healthy either.

All in all, this was a good starting place, and a good confidence builder.

Wardrobe Refashioning:

I had my second fabric dyeing experience last night with some success. I turned a blah tan polo into a nice soft teal. I'm wearing it today! It also had a orang-ish stain on the collar that is no longer there, so I'm a very happy woman! (doesn't take much, does it?) Does anyone know where this comes from? I also have a few other shirts with similar stains and they all seem to be around or near the neckline. At first I thought it might be iron in the water, but why would it only be around the collars? Now I think it might be makeup but I really only use powder anymore.

Light bulb moment...I use a benzoyl peroxide cream from time to time for acne...I bet that's it!

Okay, never mind...(Thank you for touring the inner recesses of MJ's mind. The tour is now over, if you'll kindly exit to the left. Leave nothing behind, we will not be responsible for lost or stolen articles. )

*Ahem*

I also finally got around to refashioning my hubby's old work coat into a bike jacket. Phases one and two were to 1: cut out the heavy winter lining and ragged edges of where the pockets used to be; and 2: dye it some other color in the off chance the difference in the faded and non-faded colors wouldn't be so noticeable.

I roughly cut out the lining. I just wanted there to be less material for the dye bath and I wanted to do it quickly because I didn't want to be up all night, so I plan on touching it up later. Then I took the time to pretty up the remaining material where the pockets used to be. This is an old coat we've used as a "donator jacket," using the heavy canvas material for patches on his work pants and other heavily worn items. Both front pockets have been repurposed, but that left big dark areas that used to be the insides of the pockets.

Needless to say (you probably saw this coming), the dye bath did little to disguise the dark areas.

(But look, we get that "distressed" look people pay big bucks for!)

Phase 3 was to attach heavy duty snaps since the zipper no longer works (thus the reason for retiring it and getting another jacket.) I've since found out we can actually mail the coat to Carhardt for zipper repair...the zippers have a lifetime warranty! Alas, I never did so and here we are...I'll do the snaps tonight.

My hubby asked me last night what I was going to do for a bike jacket. Hmmm. What he doesn't know (and I haven't said yet here either) is that I'm going to use this old coat for my bike jacket and surprise him with another one! I'll have to make a few alterations though, so it won't be a complete surprise...See I'm 5'1" and he's 6' tall! Slight alterations necessary...plus I'm thinking of taking some faded jean material to make pockets with. Maybe even an applique. Or not. I'm going to be a biker girl after all, not a place for cutsie.

Remember that busted zipper? Well, it's no surprise that Carhardt has a lifetime warranty on them because they must know it's an issue...we have another old coat with the same problem. All I have to do with that one is take out the winter lining and attach the heavy duty snaps and my hubby gets a new bike jacket! I haven't harvested any scraps of material from the pockets on that one yet, so there's no reason to play with dye. (And that way we won't be so matchy-matchy.)

We already have matching helmets (which we hadn't planned on,) and he's not the type to do that kind of stuff, so I don't want to go too far with it! (The helmets we found together on craigslist for a fantastic deal and were barely used, so we couldn't pass them up!)

Crafting/Organization:

Sunday I laid out all the embroidery floss skeins that would fit on the table...over 200.

I did some figuring, took into account the limited space I have, did some more figuring, and decided to store the skeins in the stitchbow/binder system. Then I ran out and bought out the nearest Michael's supply of binders and bows.

I managed to get a few of the skeins into the first binder before retiring Sunday night...and I went back to work on it last night.

(Monday's starting shot: the laptop and bag systems are sitting gingerly on top of more skeins!)

I made more progress last night, but I have more floss still in the floss-a-way baggie system since I couldn't fit those onto the table so I have to always check to make sure I'm not skipping some of those (which happens with frequency!) Oi. It's like filing two stacks of papers into one stack. It gets complicated. Especially if you're dyeing fabric at the same time... ; )

(I love just looking at my floss! It's like studying the menu at the ice cream shop!)

But I did manage to get the first of the four rows completed, so I'm a happy woman! I'm just really frustrated that it could take me eight solid nights to get them off my table so I can do some sewing! *sigh*

(Monday night's ending shot)

Independence Day

Happy American Independence Day everyone! We started our celebration today by going to counseling and then doing the Great American Pasttime...shopping! My hubby needed some new workbooks badly (he actually uses them for WORK) so we stopped for a pair and a new set of semi-casuals. I checked out the women's sandals, but only to really examine how they are made! I'm hoping to refashion some freecycled flip-flops into sandals I might actually wear. (Can't stand that thong between the toes-Ouch!!)

Last night, our city had their fireworks display. I think it took a lot of people off guard, not expecting it on the 3rd...because there was very low spectator turn-out. We viewed from a footbridge just downstream from the main event, and I captured these clips.


City Lights




More City Lights




Bridge Undergirding
I liked how the flash sparkled off the water in multi-colors.
I also got a few great clips of the railing, as well as the unexpected spider! Some of them turned out okay!


My goal this weekend is to clean out my house and organize what's left...quite the job! So in the spirit of procrastination, I'm blogging...what can I say?

A weekend at the track

My hubby and I got to spend some time at the race track this weekend. We "camped" with his cousin's family. It's not exactly like any kind of camping you'd ever experience anywhere else. Each camper is within feet of each other, narrow alley-wide lanes to travel through, partying all around you, no tents allowed (only RV's, pop-up campers, piggy-back campers, etc...must be "self-contained" and have a generator because there's no electric hookups available) You're basically in a dirt parking lot with just enough room for your "bump-outs" on one side and your awning on the other.

We got home pretty late last night and over-slept this morning, so no time for uploading pics, but I'll post them all later in the week!

It was a pretty exciting race for me because Tony Stewart lead the most laps. In the end, NASCAR "called the race" (officially ended it early) because of rain with no end in sight. They can do that if the race is over half-way finished. There were less than 20 laps left, so it was pretty close to the end anyway. The only bugger in it for me (And Tony, of course) was that Tony was in the lead when they came in for a caution a few laps before the rain started, he put on fresh tires while most everyone else just did a "gas 'n go" so he fell pretty far back. BUT had the race gone to it's scheduled end, he'd have had fresh tires while everyone in front of him wouldn't, so there's a very plausible chance he'd have been able to lead in the end. Alas, that wasn't how it unfolded, and the top five cars all had their best finishes of the year based on a gamble with the weather. As they say - that's just a racing deal and a win is a win, no matter how you come by it. I agree to a certain extent - unless you crash or spin someone else out to get it. It's still a win, but I don't have much respect for that method of winning.

More racing drama happened with another of my favorite drivers - Kyle Bush; and one of my least favorite drivers - Juan Pablo Montoya. If Montoya isn't punnished by NASCAR for messing with Bush on a CAUTION LAP, my point will be made...Montoya can do whatever he wants - crashing people on purpose (he openly admits it!!!), driving dirty, etc... - and get away with it because no one wants to do the un-PC thing and complain about the first modern-racing-era foreign guy (from Bogota, Colombia). Well, to me, for anyone that climbs into one of those race cars, the same rules apply. I'm the first to admit Tony Stewart and Kyle Bush are very agressive drivers. And they take the heat from NASCAR, their sponsors, and the fans. I wanted Montoya to do well. I wanted to like him. It just isn't happening for me. He drives dirty, laughs it off and doesn't get punished by NASCAR.

On the flip side, former NASCAR bad-boy, anger-management graduate Tony Stewart was called a "CLASS ACT" by one of the announcers after their post-race interview. Give the boy a hand! This, at the same track where a few years ago he was accused of punching a safety crewman after he was wrecked. (false allegation)

Besides the race, it was a pretty good weekend all around. I decided I needed a day to myself, so I stayed behind at the camper on Saturday while the rest of the crew went into the track for the day's events. I got some sewing done. A refashion of a man's t-shirt into a more feminine version. It was my first completed refashion project and while I'm not overjoyed with how it came out, it was good enough to wear the next day, and I learned a LOT from the experience.
I do a lot of cross-stitching and while I'm doing that, I'm relaxed, poised, I don't rush. I don't think twice about ripping out a row or whole section of a project if it's wrong, I just do it and start it over again. I take pride in that work...it's a piece of art and it should be as I want it, not slapped together to meet a deadline.

While I was working on the t-shirt, I found myself rushing and not exactly doing things as they should be, and I thought - what is so different between this and cross-stitch? Well, while the t-shirt isn't going to be hung up on a wall, it's still a piece of art. So I began thinking about my sewing in the same light and you know - I really enjoyed it and I didn't rush, and it ended up half-way decent!

Sunday morning we had passes to Kasey Kahne's hospitality tent. Kasey is my hubby's favorite driver, so it was real exciting. I was able to get video coverage of his interview on my camera and may post it here later in the week as well. We also got pit passes and I was really enthralled with the inner workings of inspection and the pit carts. Again - took LOTS of pictures!
By the time the race came around, my camera battery went dead, but that's okay. We ended up walking back to the camper in the rain and thunder/lightning, ducking under the canopy just before the hail started! Seriously!

All in all, I had a great weekend. I spent some time away from the computer (especially freecycling and craigslist) and had some me-time, enjoyed one of my favorite sports up close and personal, and got to see my favorite driver called a class act...something I never would have guessed would happen a few years ago.

And now back to work. Oi.

A Change in Perspective

Yes, I see the irony (post title: a change in perspective; blog description: a perspective on life change...)

The first change in perspective I want to share is about a new project I've gotten involved with at my church in the last couple months. We take donated furniture and home goods like appliances, linens and dishwear, and then we work with state, city and non-profit organizations that identify people who are in need of these items. It's been a great opportunity to not only get out of my shy self and meeting people in the church, but also to benefit people who really can use what others have put to the side.

One of the reasons I got involved was because I deal with depression. I've "dealt with" depression for 15 or so years off and on. Finally in the last year, I've found a very good counselor who has helped me see (when I was not in the middle of an episode) that the beginning stages of an episode are very self-indulgent. Perhaps it's a stressor in life that triggers an episode, then I become wrapped up in myself. For instance, a few years ago, our neighborhood was evacuated for threat of flooding (just a threat - nothing floated away!) and the stress of those few days was such that I then became very self-centered, reliving the experience over and over, being overwhelmed and not taking action, seeking escape and solace in books and food. "Cue, downward spiral!"

I felt the beginning stages of a new episode begin again while I was contemplating this project, and that actually urged me on with more reason to do it. I wanted to get outside myself, focus on other people, others' needs, instead of holing up in my house with my books and my overwhelming sense of powerlessness. So often I've felt depression begin and I just take a deep breath, accept it as an inevitable part of life, and kiss the next few months of my life goodbye.

No longer! I DO have the power to change the cycle, and the last month is proof!

The second change of perspective I've experienced coincides somewhat with the church project. I began to see what others were giving away to new homes. Some was in pretty rough shape, but after a little reconstruction and a good cleaning, most of it is re-usable in some manner. Then I began hitting Yard Sales (Garage Sales, Tag Sales...) and seeing all of those items that would otherwise just be thrown in a landfill, taking up precious space. I began to see every item around me in a new light. Could it be re-purposed? Could it be taken apart and used with something else to become something completely new? Could it be given away?

But still, I was a half-hearted about this reform. I didn’t want to get carried away. I tend to keep a lot of things anyway, so I was also kind of wary of creating more “stash” in what should be a nice, roomy house for my hubby and me, but is beginning to get a little “cozy!”

Well, when I found Wardrobe Refashion, that nudged my perspective right over the edge! I saw these ideas for using jean material and thought – Dang it! How many pairs of jeans have I thrown away over the years because they had one stupid hole in them? And those slacks I busted a seam on a month ago – long gone, aren’t they!

And now, presto! I’m understanding that what I don’t have a use for today may still have life left in it for something else tomorrow.

But here’s my dilemma: organization. Yeah. I can help other people get organized, but it’s as if I walk through the threshold of my home and it becomes a portal to a no-organizing zone! I don’t want to have scraps of material in every room, never able to find any of the five pairs of scissors in the house, moving piles to get to the ironing board, then moving piles back so I have a place to sit while I sew!

So although I’ll be away for the weekend, I have grand plans of getting organized in the not-too-distant future. (Though first, I may need to organize the mess that is my laundry pile, my kitchen counter, the dining room table, the pile of worn-but-not-dirty clothes in the bedroom, the “craft table” that somehow morphed into the “I’ll leave it here for now” table, the mail, oi…)

It looks like I just planned my Independence Day Weekend!!!

Awareness

I've become more and more aware of my shopping-as-therapy activity lately. It's not so much the shopping, it's the clothing. I'm not happy with my body, and it's going to take a LOOONg time to change my body, so wearing something new makes me happy. Therefore, I shop for new clothes and get a quick hit of gratification that first few times I wear them, then I'm back where I started...back at the store, looking for something new again to soothe my unhappiness with my body.

Perhaps actually attempting real lifestyle-type change would be in order! (Rather than "dieting") While I do plan to make a series of food-related lifestyle changes in the near future, I am also looking at this whole shopping thing. It has such a negative impact on so many areas of my life, including (but certainly not limited to...) finances, my marriage (hiding my purchases when I don't feel like justifying them...because I know deep down I can't justify my purchases!), and the attitude that I can ignore the real problem and just keep buying clothes!

In a way, it's fortunate that I'm, well, oddly shaped. There, I said it. Let's just get it out there on the table! I'm short and stout. I will take 10 or more items into the dressing room and MAYBE come out with 1 or 2. I say this is fortunate, because it keeps me from buying out the store!!!

I'm large but petite...another contradiction! I'm 5'1" and, let's just say...Queenish. And I don't mean that in a royal way. But you know how pantyhose comes in A, B, and Queen? I love that! I would never have thought of naming a size Queen. And certainly not a large size! Maybe they should rename the "A" category "Princess!" Guess not. Right, so...it doesn't stop there. I'm bottom heavy too. And my arms are larger than their normally corresponding torso, so any tops I get "off the shelf" have to be a bit big in the torso so as to allow for a roomier sleeve. Then my waist is a much narrower size than my butt and thighs. Even when I was thin, I lamented my huge thighs. (I promise, God, If I'm ever size 4 again, I won't complain about my overly muscular legs!!!) So if I can manage to get pants or a skirt over my hips and thighs, the waistband is usually saggy...and since I'm petite, it's often at-or-above my belly button. (think old man pants!!!)

To clear up, I would say I have a size 16 waist, but have to wear 18 to not make my butt and thighs skin-tight. I could fit into size 10/12 (Large) shirt, but now need to wear XL (14/16) to allow for a normal range of motion in my arms!

A few years ago when I was given my new sewing machine, I got real excited (see last post). I had these plans of customizing patterns for my shape and maybe even designing my own clothes. I had so many ideas of necklines and dress styles, seriously. So many! And then I started cutting out a pattern and, well...it took too long and my scissors slid all over the place, and there wasn't enough room to block out the whole pattern, and the sewing machine was taking some getting used to and....well, see my last post.

All this explanation leads me to this: I found, quite by accident, Wardrobe Refashion. I was wearing a brown-toned top with black slacks one day earlier this week and was feeling a bit "what not to wear-ish" and decided to google "fashion rules." It was then that I stumbled upon this fantastic, amazing site/challenge/community! You have to check it out for yourself, I can't do it justice in the few words and minutes I have left to make this post...please check it out!!!

So I'm going to make friends with my 2-year-old, brand-spankin-new sewing machine my hubby got for me and take the challenge...no NEW clothes for two months! I don't officially start until July 1st, but I'm already starting on two projects.

*just lost the rest of my post for the 3rd time!!! oi.*

So, what I so-eloquently said (and lost 3 times!!!!), in a nutshell....is that yeah, this could end up really bad-looking, but I'm already wearing really ill-fitting clothes, so why not take the challenge for just two months? I'm not that great a seamstress, but this will also give me the chance to get better at it!

I can't wait to finish up my first two projects and move on to the other 20 in my head! (only half kidding!) And I'll add my progress here...it's really very exciting! The key is going to be doing this without getting obsessed about it!